A
male
age
36-40,
*veryland
writes:I've been having a real issue trying to get over a threesome gone wrong with my girlfriend that happened almost a year ago. We've been together now for 4 years and about a year ago we were talking about maybe just having some fun and having a threesome with another guy. I was totally fine with it and my girlfriend was warming up to the idea. I had a friend of mine that she thought was cute and he wanted to join in. She said that if this was to happen she would want the first time or two to just be her and him so she could be comfortable. I told her I really didn't like that idea but that as long as if I was in the room I would be ok with that, but she said she would be too shy with me there and that things would work better if I was in another room. I really didn't like this idea but I was willing to go with it a time or two if it meant that in the end we had the threesome. A few weeks later he came over and we were just hanging out drinking and talking. My girlfriend got pretty drunk and started showing herself off to both of us and pulled me to the side to talk to me. She told me she wanted to take him into our bedroom and talk to him for a bit. She wanted to talk to him because over the past few weeks she had been trying to just talk to him and get to know him and he had been kind of shady and not talk to her sometimes and it kind of upset her. She promised me that nothing would happen and that she would call me into the bedroom later if and when something was going to happen. So i sat on the couch for about thirty minuets and i went and knocked on the door and she said she wasn't finished yet. After a few more minuets of waiting thats when I heard them start to mess around. At first I was worried but I was under the impression that at some point I would be able to join. So after about another thirty minuets i knocked on the door again and she said she would let me know when I could come in. I waited for another hour and she never came to get me. As they came out I just pretended to be asleep because I didn't want to start anything. Since this happened my girlfriend has decided despite having fun that night she doesn't want to do any type of sexual stuff with anyone but me. However I'm still pretty upset about all this even almost a year later. I feel betrayed because she never came to get me and she promised me nothing would happen. I've told her that and she pretty much just says I shouldn't have believed her because she had been drinking. It isn't really the fact that she had sex withsomeone else that upsets me its that she lied to me like that and had sex with someone else and I wasn't even ok with it. I've told her that and she has told me that I should have just opened the door and came in joined or told them to stop. But like I said I believed her when she said all those things she told me would or wouldn't happen. I honestly don't want to talk to her about it anymore because the last time I did she got extremely mad at me because I pretty much told her that she cheated on me and that I still want to have a threesome even though she doesn't. She was able to experience something with someone else and decided that wasn't for her but I didn't get anything at all out of it so I'm still curious to the idea. Not that I really want to it's just my fantasy was never fulfilled and hers kinda was. This keeps really bothering me and I don't know what to do. Some days I'm ok and others I'm not. Sometimes I don't want to lay in our bed bc i know thats where that happened or I don't want to watch certain tv shows bc I watched them that night while I sat on the couch listening to them. I don't know what to do to get over this. I really don't want to involve my girlfriend and ask her about it again or try to talk to her bc I know it's not going to do anything but upset her and nothing will really come of it. What can I do to get over this?
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cheated on me, drunk, shy, threesome Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): hmm..you'll have to break up with her ..there's no other way for you to get over this.though its all her fault..unlike others. i would say, you have a major role to play in this mess. i'm sorry to say that but indirectly through your suggestions of threesome to her ...being in the room while letting her have sex with him etc. ,you have to some extent granted her permit. not literally, but somewhat making her to not feel guilty of her act.there is no point blaming it on you or her. if you were not ready to accept her making out with another guy , then you shouldn't have asked for this threesome in the first place.i bet you would not have been able to cope with it later on even if you did have a threesome. these are great sexual fantasies to get down and get dirty, spice up things. but doesn't work that way for a committed 4 years relationship.you can't stand to remember the couch you sat on HEARING them "mess around" how could you have withstood SEEING it..???life is not like the stuff they show on porn.we have something called commitment , faithfulness etc .in a relationship/marriage since ages for a reason. if you seek this kind of fun then i suggest you be single and experiment these things casually rather than love someone.all the best :)
A
male
reader, JALOVER  +, writes (1 May 2012):
HiI went throug something similar, so I will give you my opinion based on your story. I am 43 years old, so I think I can help you a little.1.-It was your idea on first hand. You know playing this kind of game could be dangerous, don't you? 2.-Both of you set the playground rules, but she didn't go with them. That is bad, but remember she was drunk (drinking never helps to make good decisions). This is not cleaning her part of responsibility, but may help you understand why she took the wrong decision.3.-Why would she want to have a threesome if she relates the first try to your anger. If you want some, you have to give some. Try to forgive her first and understand her about it. If you can forgive her first, then you can go on with your relationship, and if you can go on with it, you may think about your fantasy again, but first you have to give maintenance to the relationship.Hope this helps you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): Getting drunk is never, ever, a good excuse for cheating on someone you love. You were never involved in what happened, therefor I believe you are entitled to a sort of 'rain check' which entitles you to sleep with whomever you want to at most twice* because that's how many times she cheated on you. If she doesn't agree to this idea, then it's time to move on sir, cause she only cares for her own selfish needs. Hopefully after you get this threesome fantasy out of the way, you won't try to fulfill it again, there are just sooo many of these posts where good relationships have failed due to a threesome "not working out." Keep that in mind.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 April 2012):
 Your girlfriend cheated. And she's making all sorts of excuses, and you've gone along with it for a year already. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but she cheated. Of course she's going to try and brush it under the carpet, even worse she's trying to pin it on YOU, like this was somehow your fault.
It's not like you're supposed to follow her around whenever she gets drunk in case she happens to land on a penis. Sheezes. Your girlfriend wasn't passed out drunk and raped, she was capable enough to get undressed and have sex fully aware that she wasn't supposed to, and that you hadn't consented. This is called cheating.
You're struggling with this not because it was a threesome that went wrong. You're struggling with this because you were cheated on. And your girlfriend tries to blame it on you.
If you want what's fair then tell her that because she went and had sex with someone else and expects you to be okay with it, then you'll go and have sex with someone else as well. Tough luck if she doesn't like it. Go have a threesome with another couple. Tell her she could have joined in if she wanted to, her own fault when she told you she's not up for it...
Then break it off with her. She cheated, and that says a lot about who she is and how much she respects you and about how faithful she is to you. You never agreed to her having sex with that man that night. It was cheating. It's not unfair to accuse of her cheating when cheating is exactly what she did...
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