A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a fairly new male friend. I have strong feelings for him, I told him about them. He was nice about it but said he could only ever see me as a friend. I said to myself ok, I can live with that, but here is Where it gets confusing... He is constantly hugging me, asking for a kiss, he engages me in heated conversations about marriage, commitment, our parents, my past lovers, my Ex, (whom he never knew anyway!).I don't mind the conversations as much but I do feel he should tone down the affection. I've mentioned it to him numerous times, about how I feel when he touches me and that I believe it is disrespectful, with no regards to my feelings (and the warm bubble inside me that keeps growing). He laughs it off, tells me to relax. Am I overreacting? At times my feelings for him are so intense that I really hurt! I've avoided his phonecalls a few times and I have made attempts to meet other guys, but my thoughts always return to him, please tell me what else can I do to get over this obsession with someone who does not feel the same way I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): I say back away from him so you will not get hurt if you decide to cut him out of your life completely. It will hurt you to do so....but there is always light on the other end of the tunnel. Don't let him use you or make a fool out of you. Be nice about it, but at the same time, put your foot down in a nice and quiet way. Just pull back a bit and see what happens. And remember, you can't make anyone--male or female, FEEL any certain way about you. you can't make them like you, love you, care about you and so forth and so on. It is something that happens on it's own as time progresses.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): I agree that it is disrespectful. I'm currently experiencing something similar and I know how badly it sucks. The only difference in my situation is I haven't told her how I feel. I wish you the best of luck.
I see a couple of possible solutions. Talk to him again and tell him that if he wants to continue doing these kind of things, you expect more. Make sure he understands that if he is not willing to give it a chance, then that behavior must stop. It is the same as sexual harassment and will be treated as such.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (31 March 2010):
 He see's no future in this relationship but he does not mind all those cuddling s.
You could be just a stop gap measure where he can enjoy you without giving back anything.
He is probably toying with you and your emotions.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (31 March 2010):
 Your friend is playing some weird mind game with you! Maybe he's not sure what he wants.
I've been in unrequited love, and it SUCKS... a LOT!!!!
I believe in being sincere and direct with people. It's not that I'm insensitive and don't mind hurting people, I just believe that life is too short to play games. Tell him that it hurts you when he behaves like this, and that if he doesn't want a relationship, that it really bugs you when he behaves otherwise and you feel hurt and frustrated. See how he reacts when you tell him, sincerely, how much this behavior bothers you. Perhaps he doesn't realize it's hurtful... but he needs to udnerstand that it is!
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (31 March 2010):
Your friend is playing some weird mind game with you! Maybe he's not sure what he wants.
I've been in unrequited love, and it SUCKS... a LOT!!!!
I believe in being sincere and direct with people. It's not that I'm insensitive and don't mind hurting people, I just believe that life is too short to play games. Tell him that it hurts you when he behaves like this, and that if he doesn't want a relationship, that it really bugs you when he behaves otherwise and you feel hurt and frustrated. See how he reacts when you tell him, sincerely, how much this behavior bothers you. Perhaps he doesn't realize it's hurtful... but he needs to udnerstand that it is!
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (31 March 2010):
 He sounds quite strange. And no, you're not overreacting. You've clearly told him that you want more than friendship, he's said that he doesn't want that, and now he's acting like more than friends, that's disrespectful to you I think.
You say you've told him numerous times how you feel, and he laughs it off...again, this sounds like a lack of respect for your feelings. Have you directly asked him why he's asking for a kiss if he doesn't want more than friendship? I wonder what he'd say to that.
I know this is the most extreme...but I would cut contact with him for a bit and don't hang out or meet him anymore. While it may damage the friendship you've got...it will give you time away from him which you can use to start to get over it and have the opportunity to meet other men.
I think you deserve more than this and should put a stop to it sooner that later. Who is he to play with your emotions like this? You're better than that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): but sweetie you said yourself you loved him.he's just shy so you just make the first move
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