A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a three year old boy. His father and I have been apart since he was 4 months old. His father got weekend, overnight visitation about 6 months ago, because he finally completed the 20 hours of supervised visitation. Since then he gets Elijah every weekend for 12 hours. I am having a lot of issues with this. There have been many times where I have come to pick him up and his father has no idea where he is. Those times I have found Elijah in the neighbors yard playing on their swing set, at the end of the block throwing rocks in the crick, and playing in the street the next block over. I have called social services everytime, but they don't do anything! I have also had to deal with Elijah coming home and eating like he hasn't eaten the whole time he was with his father. I talked to his dad about what I expect of him when he is watching Elijah, but he just rolls his eyes and tells me that I'm being a controlling b*tch. He is also not allowed to take Elijah anywhere in a vehicle (due to past history of driving offenses) but I have gotten to his place to pick Elijah up, and he is not their. A half our to an hour later my ex comes speeding around the corner and Elijah is in the back seat. He does not have a safety seat for him (becuase I "take all his money through child support). He didn't even take the time to at least buckle him up. I don't know what to do. It's not like he is abusive towards Elijah, but it seems like he just doesn't care. I'm worried that one day I'll get a call that my baby has been killed in an automobile accident because his father is so stupid. I worry everytime that I go to pick him up if he is out playing somewhere he isn't supposed to, or if he's been kidnapped because his father doesn't watch him. What am I to do? I have tried social services, I've told the police, and I've talked to my attorney, but they all say the same thing. They can't do anything unless the child get's hurt while in his care. If they wait for that, my baby might be dead. Why are the father's rights more important than the life and safety of a child? What can I do to ensure my baby is safe while with his father?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (31 May 2010):
 Well, you tried and found out the nasty truth. Law is not about preventing wrongs but about punishing the wrong do'er afterwards.
And this women is why it is so fucking important to be on birth control. Because being a single mother is NOT about raising a kid all on your own. It is about the deadbeat you fucked having all kinds of rights to mess up your life.
All you can do now is document everything and indeed send endless documents (have them signed on delivery, not sure what the English term is) so that you can sue the shit out of them the moment the slightest thing goes wrong.
Welcome to the real world, they never showed this on the after school specials did they.
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (31 May 2010):
 I think the welfare of your child should be paramount. You need to write to social services documenting every incident. You could withhold access and wait to take it back to court. Talk to your legal representative about this. Before the court you could explain your concerns (and cite evidence of reporting him to social services/ police agencies). You should ask for supervised visitation to be put in place - there are family centres in operation where high-risk parent's can see their children in a safe environment.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2010): If he has been driving with your child in a car when he isnt allowed to, surely that means he has broken an agreement with social services. If he is letting a 3 year old out to wander the streets, that is neglect. You are correct to be worried. Go back to your lawyer and insist he catalogues the incidence and sends a report and cover letter voicing your concerns for your childs safety to social services. End the letter by asking social services to review your ex partners visitation rights. Explain that if they do not act and God forbid something happens to your son, you will be holding them accountable, because you have advised them of his lack of care and they are failing to act in your childs best interest. Infact THEY are putting him at risk. Tell them that. They need a wake up call!
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