A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have had it with my husband. We have been married for 16 years. The first 6 years I would say was great especially trying to have kids at that time. We ended up having 2 children. After our second child I noticed my husband wouldn't make an effort to make love with me. He said he was afraid our daughter might catch us in the act, in case she came to the door. My daughter was 3 years old at that time. And I said okay I understand. But I was so disheartened that I caught him masturbatin in our bed while I pretended I was sleeping. I was so depressed at that time and just cried almost every night but eventually I got over my depression and I just kept on going because my kids were very young then 4 and 2 years old. When my youngest child was about 3 years old he told me he has a problem with his sex drive and that his testosterone is very low as that was what the doctor said. So because I loved him so much and sex to me is not the only measure to love a person I continued to keep on understanding him but in the process I continued to see him masturbating in bed at night thinking I was sleeping.To make the long story short within the last 10 years of our 16 years of marriage we probably have made love five times only. Yes guys five times only within the last 10 years. Very sad isn't it.My resentments is building up high. He really put my self esteem to a zero level. Not to mention my husband within our marriage has a roving eyes also he literally can follow a girl in a few distance to check her out. I told him about this and he did stop. Recently I refused to go with him in some invitations of his co- workers because he is so notorious in praising a co- worker appearance right in front of me, for example. He would say you know what you look a lot like Catherine Zeta Jones. I've asked him about it why would he do that he said he was just trying to be nice. In every marriage there is 2 side of story, I am sure I have my failures too. I am a 44 year old woman. A lot of people told me I am pretty. Even kids in school where I volunteer told my children that your mom is sexy and pretty.Sometimes some men in the mall, or anyplace if I go shopping alone without my kids would introduced themselves to me and asked me out, I always immediately said I am married. If I am attractive enough to other people then why my husband is taking me for granted. Let me mention also that my husband is an overweight man but do I care, I really don't because I love him. My husband is a good provider and money is not a problem with us. We go to vacations. But will this make someone complete or happy? The last straw of my resentments with him was when we were introduced by a friend to another friend of hers my husband just quickly hug and kiss the woman in the cheeks and he did it again when we said goodbye.I was shocked. And he goes on to another girl but the other older ladies he just said hi. I just laughed at myself thinking because it was quite obvious. If you hug and kiss then be consistent, do it to everybody, don't pick and choose. Anyway, I just had it with my husband antics. I don't know what to do. I have 2 precious kids. I am giving him now a silent treatment and been sleeping in the other room. I am ready to explode.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2012): Thank you all for your advise. I have been holding this problem for quite sometime and it's really a comfort to hear the advises in each and everyone of you. Good luck to all of you and good luck to me as well esp. this Christmas season where my heart is still lonely and sad but I will be okay, I have 2 wonderful children to focus on and life goes on, somehow after the holiday season I will be making my moves and access of what to do about my life.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): It is a fact that men can't fake desire for sex b/c they have to have an errection to have sex. so when there is no desire, no errection, hence no sex. It is also a fact that men get fedup with having sex with the same woman over a very long period of time like in a long marriage. But, and that is a big but,that doesn't mean that you are not pretty or he does not love you anymore. he does! because if he is satisfying himself with masturbation then obviously he is not with another woman. He is bored with sex with the same person all the time.My advice and I hope DC will allow it to be shown is that you should create an independent life of your own.Go out,make new circle of friends, have a hobby, go out and work if you are not working, listen to music, dance ...tata tata.. Also on another thought his disinterest in sex could be physical if he is overweight, because he has to exert extra efford to move about when having sex with another person but not so much when masturbating. so maybe he is choosing the easier alternative. anyway these are for your thoughts. I hope you can find a solution.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 December 2012):
 When the sex and/or intimacy evaporate.... then the relationship or marriage is OVER.... until/unless BOTH participants are willing to recognize that ONE of the participants has a SERIOUS VACUUM in what they believe is their "relationship/marriage" with their partner....
IF you and he can recognize and address this problem TOGETHER... then you have a chance to save your marriage. IF he sez something like "... well, sex was fun when we were first married... but I'm not much interested in it now...." THEN, you can say, "Well... I ain't staying in a barren marriage.... so YOU better 'fess up to reality and decide if you want to stay married to me.... 'Cuz, if you do, then you better figger out that it includes PUTTING OUT for me..... And I KNOW there are other guys "out there" who would be delighted to have me for a love/sex/relationship partner.... and if YOU ain't interested.... then I'm dumping your sorry a$s and going to spend the rest of my life with ONE OF THEM...."
Is that clear enough??????
Good luck......
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 December 2012):
 So is he being treated for the LOW-T?
if not, then he's lying about it. is that possible?
do you want to fix this? does he?
if he sees no problems then I see no hope
if he wants to fix it then you can try to fix it
first a medical work up to determine what he needs
then a marriage counselor to fix the communication issues.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (19 December 2012):
If you do not want to divorce him you both need to see a marriage counselor. If he will not go to counseling sessions with you, then you should go alone.
Really, you need to be assertive and you need to confront him about the lack of intimacy in your relationship. You need to do it calmly and in private. You really should have done this long ago. Ten years is such a long time to feel unwanted!
Maybe, tell him calmly that you don't appreciate bein lied to about his low libido and ignored for the better part of a decade. Explain that you genuinely love him and you sacrificed your own feelings and desire for intimacy because it was what he wanted. He chose masturbation over sexual intimacy in your marriage. He oogles and displays more affection towards other women than he does with you. Tell him that this is not acceptable behavior for a married man who is neglecting to satisfy his wife's need for inimacy.
If you were still sleeping in the same bed, I would recommend letting him know you knew what he was doing every single time he started masturbating in bed next to you.
Is it possible he could be cheating on you?
Finally, if passive-aggressive non-confrontation is more comfortable you could always purchase a loud vibrating toy of some sort to either use yourself or to just turn on behind closed doors to try and get his attention.
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