A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have fear! Very fear! My daughter is a very smart and tough person. At the age of 19 she is already a bachelor degree. Please dont get shock you can do it really in my country if you dont take any break in the school and always take advance during summer school and thats exactly what she did. My fear is just the same like any mothers who care and love their daughter. My daughter doesnt have any boy friend but she have a relation with lesbian and im sooooooo scared. She is only 19 and i dont like her to be on this path. I talk to her and i told her that i can not accept it. She told me " mammy i maybe strong headed but you know im a good daughter to you" ... My heart is full of tears, i wish for my daughter the very best in life, i am not hoping for 100% perfect but at least 60% might be ok. Do you think guys that this will still have a chance to change? I did manage to bring her far away distance from this lesbian, but still they have contact via sms and face book. My friend who is with her during the school time since im far away and needed to work for her school told me, that i should not worry so much, that maybe it will change in the future, that my daughter just use this as her inspiration to finish her school, that now they are far away to each other it might change. But i need your advice, any suggestions..pleaseee im so scareddd i dont know how i can over come this...
View related questions:
lesbian Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2012): Whether your daughter is in fact lesbian shouldn't matter. It doesn't matter how many men she was with, she currently chooses to be with another woman and if that makes her happy then u should be happy for her. You asked what can make u overcome this. When u look at your daughter the only thing that should come to mind is, is she happy. I am the anonymous poster that stated u need counseling because you are the one seeking help on how to deal and accept. Educate yourself about homosexual people, you come to learn that we are human beings like you. That we want peace, prosperity, and happiness. There's nothing to fear. Get to know your daughter. You say you're very depressed about this, do you have any ideas how her emotions are? Tons of gays have committed suicide bc of gay bashing and rejection. Your daughter can't help who she is. You overcome this by educating yourself and understanding that being lesbian is not a choice. You overcome this by reading up on the struggles of a gay. You overcome this by telling yourself she is still my daughter, n since I know she may face rejection by some small minded people, I need to be the loving supportive parent she comes home to, be the one who accepts and embrace her lifestyle and girlfriend. Be proud of her for being herself, not living in fear or living a lie. She loves u a lot and wants ur support that's why she came out to u. She wanted u to be there for her, even if no one else accepts her, you can. So please, go the extra mile. And if u feel u still can't get over this befriend a gay person, n hopefully you'll begin to see your daughter under the same light if she was with men only.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012): I am the one who write this question , just want every body to know that my daughter has her boy friend before that i mean a MAN" and after that relationship she had again next two boy friends and after that now she have this lesbian at the same time with two man" how can every body convince me that she my daughter is lesbian too? You guys believe it or not im trying to over come my shock that is the reason i wrote here, i need a little understanding from you and give me at least a idea how can i over come this fully. Not critisicing me by saying im not trying to understand my daughter that i am not a good mother because i am not accepting this. That i need a therapy by this. Im not crazy like you who ever dat anonymous who right that im needing a therapy. i am trying to adjust my self in this situation but this is not easy for me because i just find it out 4 days ago. And i am still under shock. I am very angry in her situation but still i do say i love you to her, she will never ever finish her school if i did not guide her in a right way. But in this case i got shock, you people dont realise how depress i am, my daughter doesnt have any idea how much i am suffering right now because of this. I never let her know that i am terrible suffering right now because of this. Now you guys, if you dont have any better advice to me and you can not even make me feel better that at least i can try to start to accept this situation then you better not write a comment.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 June 2012):
 IF you want your daughter to have a wonderful happy healthy life and not resent you then you need to accept her for who she is and what she believes and feels.
If she is a lesbian then that's how God made her.
My son is 26... he loved a girl a few years back but his father and stepmother said NO because she was not the right religion for them.
it's over a year later and my son won't talk to them and hates them for making him end something (because they told him they would be very unhappy and not speak to him if he continued seeing this girl he loved)... he may never repair the relationship with his dad and stepmom although I'm trying to help him....
do not prohibit your daughter from finding love.... accept her where she is and accept who she is... she sounds like a very smart, lovely mature young lady.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 June 2012):
 Think about what is so fearful here ... is it because people might judge for this, they might judge your daughter? Are you fearful because the future you dreamt about, wedding, grandchildren etc etc, is now changed? I understand the Phillipines is a very religious country but your daughter cannot help who she is.
There is nothing scary about lesbians, nothing to be fearful of, your daughter is STILL the wonderful, clever, smart, beautiful girl she has always been, nothing has changed except YOUR perception of her, and how YOU believed the future would be.
So, her future is now a little different than what you thought would happen, instead of a boyfriend she has a girlfriend, and yes, other family members and friends will probably find something to wonder about in all of this but if you don't make too big a deal of it to other people it will soon all blow over like any other nine day wonder.
Don't push your daughter away, don't judge her harshly, don't ask her to be somebody she isn't, you can let her know that you are unhappy, but also let her know your love for her remains.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): Steop into the 21st century lady, there is nothing wrong with being a lesbian. If that's what she wants accept it or face losing contact with her...
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo  +, writes (18 June 2012):
 I understand that you are scared for your daughter and that is normal because you are a mood mother and want what is best for her.
But what is best for her is to be who she wants to be and if she is a lesbian than you can do nothing to stop that, taking her away from one girl will not stop her from moving on and finding another one. she can be a good person and have a good life as well as being gay.
If you push her to hard you may lose her so please try talking to her and understanding who she is and what will make her happy.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2012): This is exactly why lesbians like me and gays never come out to everyone. This is your daughter, the child you're supposed to love unconditionally. Are you heartbroken because your daughter is her own person and pursuing what she considers happiness? Have not you pursued ur own happiness in this life? Or did u live the life ur mother planned for u? If anything you should feel very neutral and a bit relieved knowing there's no way right now that some fly by night guy can get ur daughter pregnant and impede her current educational focus. Reread your post. Now what kind of loving mother writes this about her daughter? Yes we all are different not all are heterosexual but when everyone else judge her you're supposed to console her. She may grow to resent u if u continue to stop her love life. Then you will have no relationship with her at all as family, all because you couldn't stand her loving another woman romatically. I advise you to let your fears go. You, not your daughter get therapy. Find out why these fears exists.
...............................
A
male
reader, 6677 +, writes (17 June 2012):
She is who she is and you must support here decisions
...............................
|
