A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HeyWell, the problem is one of my best friends used to like me and flirted with me quite a bit but we knew it wouldn't work as i'm still 14 an he's 16 and its hard because our families are so close. Its been a while since then and he's just started going out with this girl. He phoned me up and asked if i would come out for a bit as he really wanted to talk to me. He was quite depressed and confused and just needed someone to talk to, he had his arm round me and then pulled me in for a hug and kissed the top of my head. I really want to comfort him, he says i'm always there for him but I don't feel I am and I feel helpless and stupid especially because of him being 2yrs older. Any advice?I love him to pieces as a friend but i'm a bit worried he still likes me, and don't want him to get even more confused/upset any advice? Would be appreciated xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys for your great advice :)and yea he has told me mostly whats up, and it has a bit to do with his gf, not personally her but problems with friends now, as his best mate liked her and another friend feels she is being pushed away etc.He's got a bit better now but he says he only wants to talk to me cause ill understand him and some of his other friends all pissed off with him atm and he doesnt want to talk to his gf, but i dont think his gf likes him seeing too much of me which doesnt help..finally, yea i guess i still like him a little bit but not enough to mess thins up with his gf, also its more like i love him as a brother as were so close but i dont knowthanks anyways xxx
A
female
reader, Ileana +, writes (9 August 2007):
 Okay firstly dont condole the idea of him kissing you, as he may think if he can get away with a kiss on the top of your head, his next step may be your lips. Try to comfort him by saying nice things like
'im sure everything will work out perfectly for you.'
Just relax and be a friend if he does try anything with you firmly tell him you dont want that kind of relationship with him and try saying things like,
'Your such a good friend,'
That may give a subtle yet clear picture thats all he is to you.
Hope i hepled
All my love
Ileana
xxx
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A
male
reader, Zim +, writes (9 August 2007):
 There is a possibility he still likes you, especially if it was "forbidden" love a while ago. However, I think you are being a great friend to him. He said that he just needed to talk to someone and you went immediately. Most of all, he wanted to talk to you specifically. It sounds like you guys have known each other for a long time and therefore there is a strong bond of trust between you. These can all easily point to him liking you in that way or not. I act in a very similar way to some my closest friends that are girls. Sometimes, a hug is just what people need.
During this chat, did he mention anything about his current girlfriend and their relationship? If he didn't then I think it is pointing more to him relying on you being a listening ear and a friend.
You shouldn't feel helpless. I think you are comforting him in more ways than you realise. Just to have someone who you know is there for you is an immense relief if you've got troubles on your mind. You're already doing a great job as a friend. However, try to leech out what is making him feel so down. If he says nothing say that you're there for him and you want to make him feel better. "A problem shared is a problem halved" after all.
It might be something as simple as him missing the time he spends with you. Sometimes, when guys go out with a new girlfriend, they are unsure as to how much time they can spend with their female friends without making their current girlfriend jealous. It happens. I could go on and on about what it could be, but the important thing is to have a good long chat with him. Ask him if he'd like to go have a coffee or something similar, a nice relaxed environment, where no-one can easily overhear. This is important to help draw out whatever is worrying him. If he doesn't seem confused or depressed then don't mention his depressed state he had before. However if he still is, say that you've noticed that he's depressed/unhappy/confused and you want him to tell you what's wrong. A friendly, understanding but low tone of voice is required for this type of conversation to help bring out his worries.
If, it does turn out that he does like you, then you need to be strong whatever your feelings are for him. I'm unsure as to whether you still like him in that way or not from your question so i'm not sure what advice to give.
I hope that bit of advice helps. If you give me a bit more information, i'll be glad to help more. Just remember though, you are being an awesome friend to him right now. He is very lucky to have a friend like you.
ZIM
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