A
male
age
41-50,
*nDeepTrouble
writes:Hi All,I am 30 and have been married for 4 years now, I have one kid out of this marriage.My wife had a strong relation in past and it always showed up in our relation, which always deeply hurted me.She was never affectionate to me as she was and still is to her ex.This led me seek love in a girl working in my office, this girl is unmarried. We are also in physical relation.However this girl needs to get married soon but we are finding it difficult to separate this way. So we are looking at she getting married and we still continue our relation or she says within one year she will divorce her husband and they stay with me permanently when i divorce my wife.Is this correct i am clueless still things can be mended as i would want them too. What should i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): out of curiosity, did you write the title of this or was it assigned by the moderators?
if you wrote it then the potential freudian slip in it is key as you listed your options as:
-"break things off with my wife"
OR
-"go with the woman I'm cheating with"
and if you look closely you will see these are in fact the same option, which is the "break up and marry the girlfriend" option. there's no mention of the "stay with the wife" option at all. if you wrote this, it seems your subconscious is saying you want to break up with your wife. take that into consideration.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): Why is your gf getting married? How ridiculous to do that to someone with the plan to divorce them a year later? Is it a business arrangement?
It's hard enough to have a relationship without cheating and planning divorce BEFORE a marriage!
Why did you marry your wife if she was still so attached to her x and also so cold towards you?
Because you have a child and you say you want to make it work, why not try to do that? Your child will hopefully be more well adjusted if you don't break your marriage.
I would end the affair and get some help to improve your relationship with your wife.
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A
male
reader, welsh  +, writes (11 December 2010):
Funny, so you and the woman at work are trying to do the same thing to some other guy that your wife did to you? Don't **** an unknown guys life up for your selfish ends.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): Don't stay with your wife, divorce her. She has cheated on you and you have cheated on her. There is no future for this marriage except a screwed up household for your child to grow up in. Please don't mess up your child this way. Don't stay with her just because everyone says you should stay with your wife. It will not work out.
Your girl friend should not get married if she is already cheating on her fiance!! I don't understand, is it an arranged marriage? why do you say she "needs" to get married soon? If she is already thinking about divorce why is she even getting married?? Did someone put a gun to her head and force her to sign marriage papers??
Does marriage mean nothing to her and to you??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): Break up with your wife,because you are cheating on her..which is absolutely WRONG. If you stop your **** with that other women,then you should stay with your wife. Just remember one thing,if you want to break up with your wife..do it a.s.a.p because if you're caught cheating,you are a BAD rolemodle to your CHILD and don't be surprised if you lose RESPECT. Mabey your girl (on the sly) will PROLONG your "marriage" date..because she's giving you EMPTY promises,or will marry you and cheat on you (which she's clearly liable for) Don't be silly now,you're not a little boy any more.Make up your mind ONCE AND FOR ALL. Don't mention how hurt you've felt in the past..when you're being a decietful little boy in the PRESENT. Hipercritical?? YES. Grow up,and be a MAN. Life is hard,but you're putting YOURSELF into those hard/difficult decisions..but don't seem to beable to DEAL with them. Open your eyes!.. I say no more.*
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