A
male
age
41-50,
*crewed-up-big-time
writes:I was in a relationship for 8 years with a woman I totally adored but in the last year we grew rather distant from one-another as our jobs and various other circumstances kept us apart for long periods. We were engaged though and she has always been the love of my life, no question. We had troubles communicating as I was overloaded by professional stress and she was suffering a family bereavement and we had some domestic problems that caused friction. We never argued much though and had so much in common along with differences that made us exciting to one-another. 3 months ago she came back from working abroad and told me she had met someone else and she left me 2 days later. I was in total shock as I'd never believed such a thing could happen. She left me in a very cold and heartless way with a lot of lies and I hardly recognised the woman I loved for 8 years. I have been collosally angry and bitter and heartbroken but am still emphatically in love with her.Since then we have had email conversations, some phone calls, met up a few times. She says she doesn't know if she made a mistake, she loves 2 men. We are currently having no contact at all.My life is so miserable without her. I have some terrible trust issues now as she is the one person in my life who I trusted absolutely. I grieve terribly for our lost future and am so angry about the waste of it all. I am so angry about the way I was treated by her in this split and yet I still love her. I always loved everything about her even if I didn't always like it. I can't stop that even now and I want her back.What do I do? No contact is helping me get my life together a bit but the longer it goes on the more she will commit to this other man and forget me surely? I want to shake her and say "don't you understand how selfish and short sighted you're being?" I would walk through fire for her, I wanted to have children. I am so pained to leave my dreams and she has indicated more than once that it may not be over between us. What do I do to resolve? I can't move on because I am still most passionately in love with her - always have been - I can't contemplate finding someone else. I'm terribly lonely now, still shocked, still angry, still so hurt and betrayed.We had an amazingly good relationship - something that peopled marveled at. We had so much in common yet were challenging and mysterious to one another even after years together. We had a great active sex life always and were kind and loving and a wonderful team. But in a period of estrangement a man stepped in and she jumped at it and I could scream at the injustice and vanity of it all! But it doesn't stop me being in love with her and she says she loves me still but needs me to wait for her to sort herself out. What do I do?
View related questions:
engaged, heartbroken, move on, period, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): She doesn't love you.
This is my opinion gathering with what you wrote.
But if you want her back, i suggest you let her go.
Don't show her you can't live without her.
Challenge this other man.
Be spontaneous.
Letting her go doesn't mean giving up and it doesn't mean that you won't or can't see her. You must however do it on your own terms.
Call her only when she least expects it and don't always answer her phone calls. If u call and she doesnt answer and calls back dont pick up. I know this sounds high school but you have to ask yourself why did she leave everything you two had for 8 years for another man. He must of given her something you didn't. Obviously it wasn't love and loyalty and friendship? So could it have been the thrill of the chase? or a different, non routine way of life? She left YOU, if you want her back your going to have to change YOURSELF. From your question it seems that she has her doubts about her new relationship. That will only work in your favour if she feels that you are slipping away, she will want to catch you if only for insurance. You also have to come to terms with the fact that maybe it is truely over for which i am sincerely sorry. All i can give you are cliches but try to maintain the idea that everything does happen for a reason.
I hope I have helped you in some way.
Best Wishes
Y
|
