A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am having a very hard time now.My sister is really sick. She lost her job because of her her disease. My mother has a depression problems. They are living together.I am getting a divorce and am separated of my husband and living overseas.I feel so sad and miserable. Everything is wrong now. My family. Myself.It's like my doors are all closed and it's sad for me. I don't have many friends here, and the few people that I know are living far away for me. They are busy with their lives and they have their own problems.My schedule at work is early morning (3 am to 11 30 am), and when I am off I am so tired and I come home to sleep. Nobody is here, and I don't have too much to do.I spent a lot of time by myself and it makes me feel very sad and lost. I started to take some dance classes because that's what I like, and the first time was ok for me. I was excited and happy. Now I go there, just because I don't want stay at home, alone for another day. But I start to think about all my problems, and I can cry and cry even in the classes.But all that I want is to be a little bit happy, but at this moment I can't deal with all these things in my life.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (18 January 2011):
 this is far too much for you to take on alone. It's heartbreaking entirely. But you can't give good support unless you support you first.
The dance classes are a magnificent idea.
Even though you also felt sad there
I understand that deep grief when silent tears just flow. Not the heaving noisy crying of immediate stress. I know the latter from when my first husband died. But i also know the other kind where you feel lost, overwhelmed and undersupported. I had silent tears during a period where a truly horrible man at a place where I worked was bullying me. He did not succeed in breaking me, but he came close. Eventually when 20% of all the staff complained about him he was sacked for bullying, sexual harassment and bribery he tried. But when he was at his worst I would work away quietly, with tears rolling quietly down my face. Never thought I would get through, but things did improve after that guy left.
You need some immediate professional support from a Doctor. Tell him how over whelmed you are. There is no shame in that. A knee subjected to too much stress can get sick. As can a heart or any other part of your body. Your whole mind, body and soul are being subjected to the immense pressure that needs some short term support that your Doctor can provide.
Keep up the dance classes as I think they might help.
And work on building friendships, no matter how low you feel. You need friends who can be kind and non-judgemental. Choose them wisely. No one gossipy as you do not need that.
Eat heathily. Get your rest.
Remember that life can be like the waves in an ocean. Some peaks are higher than others, some troughs are deeper. But no peak of a wave lasts forever. And every trough of a wave, no matter how deep will become a peak.
I know this is a dark time. You will slowly rebuild the inner you. And be stronger for it, in the end.
If you can get some exercise, even if it is just you filling up drink containers with water and use them as weights to tone your muscles will also provide some opportunity to tense/release muscles and this can be very relaxing if done regularly to a devised exercise program.
But don't just hibernate and think you have to solve all this alone.
That option is not fair on you.
I am sure you will eagerly await the chance to go home, if the opportunity arises. But build your inner strength in the interim.
Being so far from family is an added burden. Accept that while you are overseas you can't directly do as much as you would wish for you family. But maybe you could research what other community support might be available in the area where your family live - and put them in touch with your family. Often there are community based programs that are not well known, but can assist. Be it help/with a particular disease, right through to particular specialised care, if and when that is required.
Let your family know that you care by writing to them, telling them how much they mean to you. A real letter can be more permanent and powerful than a
text or an email.
Are you due for an annual leave? Or even some rostered days off. From now on you need to focus entirely on what is good for you. And supportive to you.
I don't know what is and what options are available in the place where you live. You only say it is 'overseas'. So that could mean anywhere. But if you can afford it, and the opportunity arises, and you like such things then be it a bunch of flowers, some good chocolate or good perfume. If those options are out then think up other treats you would like. Remember you are important.
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