A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So long story short I lived with my boyfriend and his mom after we had our daughter at 3 months she is now 5 years old so I really thought we would of had our own place by now but my boyfriend (her Dad) has been on/off job I'm just so tired of my boyfriend priorities is always about him and his mom. Always pleasing his mom. I'm vegetarian now for about a year so now I'm not even asked if I want anything it really upsets me like I'm still his girlfriend do I not deserve to get asked ? But I always have to be curtious because that's how I am I will buy food even though I'm not eating it I'm really tired about that and to top it off his mom baby's him so I can work all day and come home and don't get asked what I want cause my mother in law has already feed my boyfriend so he doesn't care to ask me ! What can I do to make him care more ? Or is this a sign he doesn't care ? Like I deserve to be treated better and I don't want my daughter to think this treatment is okay and moving in with him and his mom was a bad mistake I learned that now ! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2018): Thank you everyone who replied I appreciate all the Feed back. Yes I eat and thank you for the Recipe. I love oatmeal And I also understand that nobody is my servant and I'm a grown up but it nice to be considered by my boyfriend in a thoughtful way.Thank you I know my worth and I'm saying good bye
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2018): I know the words were harsh. In order to bring a little taste of reality into the situation.
You're working hard, you're responsible, and you care about him; but you've chosen the wrong man. You are now seeing things for what it is. He ran home to mama; and he dumped all financial-responsibility for his kid onto you.
I wasn't trying to knock the wind out of you. I had to help you see this situation for what it is.
I strongly agree that you do deserve better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2018): You're living with your boyfriend and his mom so he isn't pressured to work and/or pay child-support. You're tolerated on behalf of the child. You don't get any special-treatment; because it's not about you.
You should have seen this coming from the time you notified your boyfriend you were pregnant. The fact he doesn't work is to shove that responsibility onto you; after-all, he didn't get pregnant. You did! There's at least one benefit he can count-on; you work and that keeps you out of the house as much as possible.
If you don't feel the love from either of them; maybe it's because there isn't any.
Being a guest in someone's home, and living rent-free; doesn't get you any perks or frills. Getting pregnant when you didn't get a ring first; well it's debatable if the child was your way of assuring his commitment. The anchor-baby that will keep him in-place. How much would you bet that's what mama thinks about you? Actions speak so much louder than words!
I don't think you'd be there if it weren't for the child.
He's the baby in that house! He butters his mother up; so he can work at his leisure, live at home like a man-baby; but keep you at bey. You won't and/or can't force him to work; and support the child. He probably didn't particularly want in the first place. It's up for debate, he wanted the child; if you had every intention of having it. A child before a place to live doesn't sound exactly planned. Maybe not well-planned.
I expect to be told it was planned. Fine, but look at the arrangements; and tell me it's ideal for a family?
Daddy doesn't have a job, isn't particularly rushing to find one; and marriage is most unlikely. Time and frustration will force you to decide to move-out. Without him!
He's betting on it! Counting on it, in fact! Making sure you're accustomed to being the child's sole financial-support. Proving he'd most-assuredly would be a deadbeat-dad. He has no shame about it!
If he's a stay-at-home dad, shows the child a lot of love; then there's some redemption for him. Doesn't seem to be a mutual-agreement. It's all circumstantial. Somebody has to work!
You deserve to be treated better; but the fact is, you're not.
That is an indication you're a boarder/third-wheel; and the child is family. Five years, a child, and no marriage. Well, having children isn't a substitute for a marital-commitment. For the child's sake; all could be so much better if daddy married mommy. To show he wants to be a family-unit, offer his full financial-support for his family; and share his last-name, and all his property. He'd want to make the family legit on every level; and to prove he's there for keeps.
He can up and walk any-day. Mom could put you out; the day that happens.
You're just being housed to keep you off his back. There's no relationship; and you're not his girlfriend. You're his baby's mama; and somebody he doesn't know exactly what to do with. If it wasn't for the child, he'd probably have left you a longtime ago.
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A
female
reader, MOBell +, writes (4 June 2018):
Is anyone else in the household working or are you supporting everyone?
If you are supporting everyone, that's not acceptable. Something needs to change.
I think you need to get out of this household, and possibly, away from this bum of a boyfriend. He will likely never change and will always put his mother first. As you're working, you should try to set aside a little money from each check until you can afford to move out--with or without him. If you do, tell no one about this.
If you feel the relationship with your boyfriend is salvageable, then you need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel about living with his mother. There's no incentive for him to change right now. He's happy with the status quo.
I get it about the food situation. You come home from work tired and hungry, while your boyfriend, who already dined with his mother, sits on his rear. That must be aggravating and must make you feel disrespected and excluded.
You are fixing your own meals. Right? I hope you're not going hungry.
Have you ever heard of overnight oatmeal? I make these frequently. I fill 8 ounce Mason jars to about 3/4 full and I add non-dairy milk to cover the oatmeal and top it off with frozen fruit, such as blueberries, and sometimes nuts, granola, etc. Then I put it in the frig overnight. The next morning, I awake to a nutritious and delicious meal. These might be a good idea for quick meal for when you get off of work.
Whatever you decide to do, good luck. I hope you find happiness. Please come back and let us know how things are going.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 June 2018):
 Well, time to figure out how you 3 can move out and BE your own little family.
While I respect people who CHOOSES to be Vegans or Vegetarians if you eat at my house I don't CATER to that. What I make, you (as a guest/child/spouse) can choose to eat or choose not to eat.
His mom is NOT your servant or your mom - so I don't think you are owed any special treatment with regards to meals. Now if your partner WHO sits on his ass all day can't cater to you or spoil you here and there, is it perhaps because he doesn't know that it's a thing you would like?
You mention that "I'm just so tired of my boyfriend priorities is always about him and his mom."
So... you kind of already know where you stand. Is this how you see your future? Or it is time to figure out how to get out and stand on your own two feet? IF he wants to come and BE a little family with you and your daughter... then GOOD - he will HAVE to get a job and contribute to the household and chores. Otherwise What's the point?
Living with your BF's mom for 5 years is WAY too long. He might enjoy it, because his mom caters to him but overall it's not ideal.
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