A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Met a girl a few months ago; she had a boyfriend then. I did too, we started developing romantic feelings for each other, acknowledged them and tried to move on by solely being friends. There was sexual tension regardless, and we kept harping on it and trying to let it go, but it all came crashing down when she broke up with her boyfriend one night after drinking some. We had sex three days after, then she tried to distance herself from me because she’d fallen hard. We talked about it, she said she and I couldn’t have anything going on between us or we couldn’t be friends, and I acknowledged that enough to respect the boundary she set up. I have feelings for her still, and I don’t think they’ll go away for a long time.Unbeknownst to me, she got back together with this boy, is trying to make long distance work, but it’s not really because he’s not satisfying her per some of our conversations, and he’s not communicating with her very well. We never talked about her getting back with her boyfriend, I got angry about it because I found out as opposed to her telling me. I let it go, my friendship with her is way too important for me to get hung up on that. We kept hanging out through all of this, I really just enjoy her company— whether we’re idle, working, or conversing. She’s a fantastic friend to me, I want to be able to tell her everything and I’m getting up the balls to have this frank conversation with her soon, about where we’re at. Through all of this, I haven’t changed my mind that I just want her in my life, regardless of the context. I care about her endlessly and want to see her happy, that’s that.Last night we went to a party at my friend’s apartment and got very drunk, and were inches away from screwing each other all night. Our friends rescued us and kept space between us where we couldn’t, but it took EVERYTHING I had not to steal her away, and I’m sure it was the same way for her. We were talking about it briefly while on the drive home, she told me someone tried to kiss her and she said no; she said she wasn’t used to people trying to kiss her at parties. I laughed and apologized, and she said, “No, you don’t count. The feeling is mutual.” She’s also joked with me about an upcoming trip; luring someone back with us for a fling at our Airbnb— she said she “definitely wouldn’t be paying attention to whoever we took back,” just me. I want to know if she’s happy when she’s with me, she definitely seems like she is. I’m confused about that, and I’m confused as to why she’s choosing him over me.What are the questions I need to be asking in this conversation when it happens though? I know that I’m being a homewrecker in this situation— I’m not solely in the wrong here though. I want to be with her, but I truly am happy just being friends with her; whatever makes her happy is what I want to do.
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (6 June 2018):
 The thing is, you’re not respecting the boundaries, not in the slightest.
She has a BF, whether she wants to stray or not, that’s on her, but YOU are not helping matters. She has told you that you can’t be in a relationship together and then that you can’t be friends but you’re still pushing for it. What about that is respectful?
She isn’t helping the situation either, she’s trying to make it work with this guy whilst stroking her ego with the attention from you so she’s to blame as well.
Why is she choosing him over you? Because she doesn’t want a GF quite clearly. She uses you for the close, intimate stuff whilst her BF is away, if she wanted to be with you then what’s stopping her? You are right there with her, she doesn’t get with you because she DOESNT WANT TO. You need to understand that. You’re wasting your time, this IS NOT a friendship. Friends don’t hook up with each other and hope that one day they will get together, that’s not what being friends is about. This has become her using you for attention and you following her round like a puppy dog.
You are lying to yourself. You’re not happy being friends. You’re not happy knowing she’s with someone else, you just told us that you felt ANGRY when you found out she was back with this dude. What happened to if she’s happy, you’re happy? You’re lying and you know it.
I’ve been in the situation where I wanted more with someone and never got it so I know exactly how it feels and I can tell you there’s no happy ending here. If she wanted to be with you she would be, people don’t need convincing to get into a relationship with someone else, it’s either natural or not at all.
You’re wasting time here that could be spent with someone else that wants the same things as you do.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 June 2018):
 I don't think you will ever be happy just being friends with her if truth be told. That is not me getting at you, it is simply a fact. Friends don't have sex and there are feelings involved here.
I think you should be honest with her about how you feel and see what she has to say. Although if she chooses to remain with her boyfriend then you should distance yourself from her because it is only going to hurt you in the long run.
Also what happened to your boyfriend? Did you cheat on him or did you break up with him to be with this girl?
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