A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:We have been married for 13 years and we love each other and think he loves me more than I do, maybe because he is more expressive than I am. Right from the beginning the only concern I have had is his flirting nature with other women. I don't think he even realizes he is flirting.When I confront him he says it's his nature and he is nice to all, and we end up having arguments about it.You may call it possessive. But he really can't take his eyes off these pretty women in parties.Lately he is texting his co-worker, reports to then not directly but they talk everyday in meetings. At least I am glad that she is on other part of the Globe.I have seen their texts and none of those are work related but at the same time they are not in appropriate. But more like they are checking on each other everyday.Like, when they have TP (Tele Presence), he will ask her why she was so dull, as if he was watching her in TP the whole time. And, she would keep praising him how sweet he is, his patience, how he looks like some hollywood star, and he gets all excited about it. Neither of them ever talk about the spouses, and when they ask to share any pics from a vacation or party, both share their solo pictures. Clearly he is just getting that moments excitement and nothing more than that. But it can go beyond if I don't do something. I also talked to him about it, and he says she is a kid and also married, its nothing like that and it's all in my head.I left the conversation saying, imagine me in her shoes and my manager in yours and you find us texting each other non work related topics how would you react? He shrugged and walked away! What do I do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 May 2015):
 When you say their texts are "NOT appropriate" what do you mean?
I am an outrageous flirt. I asked my husband if it bothered him and he said no. He said "you flirt like you breathe I could never ask you to stop" He gets that it's how I interface with the world.
You talk about the co-worker (on the other side of the globe) and yet you mention that "he can't take his eyes off these pretty women at parties"
flirting with a co-worker is VERY different from staring at other women when in the presence of your wife.
I think you have more than one issue going on here and that the flirting with the co-worker around the globe is only the tip of the iceberg of what's really bothering you.
I think you find your husband disrespectful to you. Is that the case?
I talk non-work related texts with co-workers all the time. Many of them are women. I am bisexual. Does that make it wrong?
A
female
reader, Keeley345  +, writes (13 May 2015):
Everyone has boundaries in a relationship especially in a marriage. If our other half feels were are flirting with someone and says they don't like it...stop!
Even if we're friendly with everyone, in a relationship you have to draw a line. I have lots of married male friends and their wives know me. However I am careful with how i behave around them and what I say so as not to offend their wives or make anyone else think I'm flirting with these married men. Respect is important in a relationship and your husband is being disrespectful and actually ignoring your feelings.
Is this the type of marriage you want? This is NOT your fault at all but you have feelings too. Your husband needs to treat you better and STOP his 'friendships' with these women. You have to be firm with him and make clear again how much this upsets you. Write your feelings down on paper and show them to him if talking isn't helping. Maybe get a trusted friend or family member to speak to him about this.
But bottom line is, his behaviour is wrong. And you deserve love and respect and right now...he is not giving you that.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 May 2015):
 He's making communication difficult. If he were my husband, I would mock him every time he talks to her. I would pick up my phone and pretend I am talking to some man. Whatever he says I would mirror that in a similar fashion. Then after that when he asks who I was talking to, I tell him, "I am not going to tell you."
Really, the real problem is that he is the expressive one while you are not. He feels it's natural to compliment people and to be reciprocated. When he doesn't hear nice things he assumes you don't adore him. It's wrong, and it's not an excuse for him to look outside for attention and approval. Maybe it's time for you to appreciate for what he has done, and what good qualities he has. Butter him up and stroke his ego a way that only you could mean it, as a wife.
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