A
female
age
30-35,
*urityChild
writes: I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 month now and we makeout all the time, recently he tried to finger me and I stoped him. I am virgin and plan to stay one until I get married, but I just felt like fingering is losing your vigintiy. I want to try oral sex but I dont know if oral sex is losing your virginity or not...Can I give hand jobs, and get fingered and ate out with out losing my virginity?
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fingering, hand-job, oral sex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 April 2011):
 Penis to Vagina intercourse TECHNICALLY is the only way to lose your virginity HOWEVER in my book girls that participate in all other activities (oral sex, anal sex) that involve penetration are merely TECHNICAL virgins....
necking and petting are one thing...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011): I think its a wonderful idea to wait until marraige to have sex. But I think you should include waiting for oral sex also. It's considered sex. I think (at least after four or five) months and you really trust the guy, you can allow fingering and hand jobs. But don't do it because you feel as if it's an obligation, do it because you feel as if you want to enjoy eachother.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 November 2010):
 Don't be too naive either. Trust can easily be misused and given to the wrong person. Take your time to really get to know him before you trust him.
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A
female
reader, PurityChild +, writes (15 November 2010):
PurityChild is verified as being by the original poster of the question I want to wait until I am married because I want to save my virginity (something I consider special) for my husband...I want him to take it, not a boyfriend that could up and leave whenever, ya know?!. I'm just stil not quite sure what to do because I like him alot and I want to do things with him because I trust him....But losing my virginity im just not quite ready for.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): Well physically, the definition of virginity is actually having vaginal penetration from a penis often breaking the hymen as a result. That is usually what most people will stick with.
As for your specific question; fingering, oral sex, hand jobs etc...technically do NOT fit into this definition.
HOWEVER, some people, religions, faith, general beliefs etc believe that any kind of sexual contact is sex.
So now that you know, you need to decide what exactly it is that you believe and how you want to approach it. With that said, just remember that oral sex is still an opportunity for contracting STDs so be safe if you choose to do this.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (14 November 2010):
Virginity is really about having intercourse with a man. However, it is a tricky subject, because even if a woman has never had intercourse, but everything else, I wouldn't really call her innocent or particularly virgin-like.
I think if you should decide if you want to wait with SEX until you are married or not. You should decide why you want to keep your virginity until you are married. Is it because of religious reasons, or do you just not want to run the risk of getting pregnant? Any sexual act before marriage is considered a sin if you are religious, not only intercourse.
Imagine this situation: you meet a man who is also a virgin and wants to wait until marriage. How would you feel if he had done oral, fingering, handjobs, anal sex etc with several women, just not intercourse? Would you see that as him being a virgin really? Would you be ok with that? And what if your future husband asks you if you have done these things with other men, and then how many men? It will still add up to a number. And he might not respect you as much. Sex is sex, even if you don't do this one thing (intercourse) you will still have had sex.
As for fingering: yes it can loosen you up so that you won't feel like a virgin, and you can loose your hymen too (although you can loose your hymen from tampons and physical activity as well).
You really just need to decide why you want to wait until marriage, what are your reasons to wait, and what would you rather keep only for a husband and wife to experience only with each other? What is sacred and special for you?
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A
male
reader, Western3589 +, writes (14 November 2010):
 The only thing that is losing your virginity, is sex. Meaning the act of putting his penis, into your vagina. That is when your virginity will be lost. Anything else, fingering, oral sex, making out, dry humping, all not sex, and its not considered losing your virginity. However, there is no need to rush anything in your relationship. So take it as fast or slow as you want, and talk with your boyfriend about what you want to try. Awkward, but necessary.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): Of course you can do these things without losing your virginity. The only way you lose your virginity is if you are penetrated by his penis. You will be ok, and you'll start enjoying your relationship a lot more :)
Good Luck :)
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