What can I do before I lose her forever?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships

<< Previous question Next question >>

Question - (31 July 2008)

2 Answers - (Newest, 31 July 2008)

A male age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi all,

I am a soon-to-be college freshman who has been granted the wonderful opportunity to attend an outstanding university, and I am quite excited at being able to soon take advantage of all the new opportunities presented before me.

Unfortunately, I will also be separated by a great distance from my girlfriend, who I met in high school and have been dating for well over a year.

We both knew that eventually college would come, but up until now, things were entirely wonderful. We enjoyed each other's company, helped each other when we were in need, worked together on a few national award-winning research projects, and things were quite good.

Now however, she is utterly and completely depressed. Because the university she is attending is local to our home, she always says that I'm "leaving her." No amount of convincing will explain to her that I'll only be physically gone, but emotionally and spiritually I'll still be there for her. She also tells me that daily phone calls and a few visits once a month won't be enough, and that at most, she can see herself holding on for only a year.

Especially problematic are a few events that happened recently. I disappointed her several times over this summer, and now she's incredibly depressed (I was slightly late to picking her up for an event, I went straight to the lab instead of waiting for her in the lobby one day, etc.) She told me recently that she just doesn't care anymore, and that it's too late for me to do anything. She said that if anything were to change, it'd be up to me, but she doesn't have any hope in me anymore.

Dear Cupid,

I truly love this girl with all my heart, and it pains me so much that such a wonderful relationship had gone downhill so quickly. I suppose the biggest issue is the distance, and I _could_ have picked the university that she went to, but at the insistence of many others, my own desire, and even my girlfriend at times, I picked the wonderful university that I am now scheduled to attend.

With respect to the recent disappointments, I really did not mean to disappoint her. Whenever I do something, I always think of her and try to do things that make her happy! But I do have some flaws including absentmindedness, indecisiveness, and procrastination that usually ends up making me do something that causes her pain. I'm upset that she sometimes gets depressed at some small things, but at the same time I understand how my actions hurt her.

I guess I'm also afraid that I may have made the wrong decision too. In lab the other day, one of my colleges said to me: "It doesn't even really matter what school you go to, because in the end, all that matters is whether you're happy. You know, people can only take so high a level of unhappiness." The rankings of the two schools my girlfriend and I are going to are nearly equal, but I felt that the one I chose would have suited me a little better... but I don't know what to do.

Lastly, our communication is good, but not superb. I know that. I know communication is something that is almost always number one. But sometimes, I can't quite work out how to really get into some inner feelings that she hides from me.