A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My male friend is very controlling I think. He wants everything to be on his terms. He decides when and where we hang out. If he doesn't have time, we don't do anything and won't even try to compromise.I was having a party last week and he said he won't come because he has a soccer practice although he has missed his practice many times.He dictates how much we text or talk. If he's not in the mood, he makes it very obvious.Whenever I try telling him that he's too much, he calls me silly.Sometimes I feel that he treats me more like a girlfriend than a female friend because we are not equal in this friendship.What can I do?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (19 February 2016):
 You find that balance not by trying to convince him to change his investment but by changing yours. You don't need to announce anything, and you don't need permission.
In fact it's better if you don't announce anything and definitely don't do it out of anger. He'll either just ride it out until things return to 'normal' or he'll get angry back and you'll accomplish nothing.
Be less available and predictable. You don't have to talk, text or get together every time he asks.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 February 2016):
 So he should treat YOU better than a GF? WTF?
Just saying. What can you do? well, 1. accept that this is WHO he is. If soccer is important to him he might or might not skip a practice for YOUR party. 2. stop treating him like he is your BF. He is your friend. Which means (believe it or not) his world doesn't revolve around you. 3. stop being so available. It makes you seem a little desperate for his attentions. 4. hang out with your GF, call & text them when you need conversations. this guy may not be very chatty.
I really don't see HIS behavior as being controlling, yours however... a bit controlling. Seems like you want him do what YOU want and now that he doesn't you are mad and calling him controlling.
So what if he is not a chatty cathy over text with you? I mean really, what can he chat about constantly?
Get busy with YOUR life, treat him as a FRIEND, don't bend over backwards for him constantly. And don't expect him to do that for you either.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 February 2016):
 What can you do?
You can try for some balance, don't respond when he calls or texts, stop being available to play his games, stop expecting him to act like a decent friend (he quite clearly is not).
If he doesn't have time to hang out, do something else, find your self some new friends so that your whole social life is not reliant on if he has time or not .....
As for feeling he treats you more like a girlfriend than a friend .... hoho, excuse me! Anybody treating a girlfriend like that needs to be pulled up quick sharp!
Anybody treating ANYBODY like that needs to be pulled up quick sharp, take back some control and stop making him the centre of your universe .... go on, you can do this, go build yourself a life that doesn't rely on somebody else to make it worthwhile.
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