A
female
age
26-29,
*eird_Chick
writes:I need help, My boyfriend is Always sad! he cant spend too much time with me without just being like "ok i want to go home now i've had enough for one day" he said he loves me but i dont feel it and when i tell him that, he doesnt try to show me it, he just gets sader and doesnt try at all. we even have a schedule to see eachother now. we use to see eachother everyday of every weekend friday saturday and sunday and occasionally a day or 2 through the week and now i can see him 2 days one weekend, and 1 day the next and then 2 days and then 1 and so on. well he has withdralwn so much from me, he use to be so in love with me he use to tell me he want all of me forever and couldnt get enough he wont even say i love you to me first anymore. i cant make him happy no matter how hard i try and so now he has been asking for so much time away so i get to talk to him for 20 minutes to an hour a day now, thats it, thats all i get with him, cuz if hes not happy and doesnt get what he wants, he makes sure im miserable too. me and him were engaged earlier this year and things were so amazing for the first week and then everything went downhill, and earlier this month he broke up with me, he would let me call him and he would still tell me that he loved me but he told me he didnt know if he wanted to get back together or not, but after about 3 days he finally got back together with me recently we have been doing good like no fighting and then came yesterday, we were in school and he didnt seem like he was happpy and that made me sad so i asked him if he could try to make me happy and he just got sad and put his head down and ignored me like always so i was of course crying in school again. i give him all of my time and energy just trying to make him happy and make things work i try being soooo very sweet and giving him everything he wants but hes still not satisfied and guess what i got for valentines day??? i was suppose to get roses but he decided to get drunk on everything he could find and i had to go over to his house and take care of him when he was throwing up all over the place and on me, i just rubbed his back and took his clothes and helped him take a shower and put him to bed, he was happy for the next like 2 days and then he went back to being sad again. i try so hard to make him happy but he wont do the same, he wont make the slightest attempt, i have no idea what to do im just so tired of it nothing im doing is helping i dont know how to make him come back i just want the old him. we were fighting this morning and i was telling him that i need him to love me and want to spend time with me, thats not too much to ask, im not asking for anything major im just asking for him to act like a boyfriend and he fliped out and was like why dont you break up with me then?!?!?!? then he ignored me for 3 hours like he always does "he has a tendency of when we are on the phone if he gets mad or sad he puts the phone down for about 40 minutes with me still on it and he will go play x box or something and then he will finally come back and i will be crying and he will put it back down and leave again". and finally he texted me and told me that he loves me and that i should try to be happy "thats what he considers him trying to make me happy, he says please try to get happy and thats it" and so i was just for him and then we got on the phone for like 10 minutes if that and he sounded sad he said he wasnt but he has a veryyyyy big problem with lying to me and not telling me how he feels. so he asked if i wanted to get off the phone so i wouldnt get sad and i said yeah and we did and then about 2 hours later i texted him saying im sorry to bother you but i need to call you and i need you to give your step mom the phone so my mom and her can discuss prom and the limmo he just got sad and i was like why are you sad and he was like i dont know and i was like you were happy earlier and then we got off what did i do to make you sad? he was like i dont know and i was like are you lying and he was like i dont know and i was like are you mad or sad at your game he was like no and i was like was it something i did and he was like i dont know, and i was like you were fine on the phone earlier and now your not? i havnt talked to you since then what could i have done wrong please tell me? But he doesn't answer, when i ask him that. so i kept asking and he never answered and i was finally like ok text me when you miss me and i said bye. oh my god im just so tired of it what am i suppose to do to make him be his old self again and be in love with me again?????? please help!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Weird_Chick +, writes (27 February 2011):
Weird_Chick is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks everybody but GeeGee255 and confusedlover 10 i dont think its that he wants to break up with me, i think it's something else,cuz yesterday for the first time i actually stood up for myself and said how i deserve to be loved and he needs to step it up, and i have never talked to him like that before and i told him im taking myself back from him and that he's no longer my whole world and so now he has to earn me and my love back or im his loss, and i have never been that confident or ever even imagined talking to him like that, but i read on this website that it's good to tell him stuff like that and make him know you want love and affection and he will get worried about loosing you and come back. so after i told him that he said that he really does love me and he doesnt want to loose me but he just cant be cuddely and stuff like i want him to be, i dont know what changed him so much but i dont like how he is now. i have no idea what he wants from me and if i ask him he just says nothing and it drives me crazy.
A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (27 February 2011):
 Confusedlover 10 could very well be right. Before you do anything else I suggested please just ask him if he's been wanting to break up with you but was afraid to hurt you.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (27 February 2011):
Sweetie, Nobody can make someone else happy. Happiness has to come from inside yourself.
Has anyting happened to your BF in the last 6mths to a year? A death, lose of job in his family, has he quit any sports teams or stopped doing other things he used to enjoy? How are his grades, is he passing?
Is it possible he is using drugs. Some like Extasy will change your mood like this.
Whatever his problem is you are only a very young girl and it's not up to you to fix them or make things better for him. Grown women much bigger and smarter then you have tried and failed. It just can't be done. A person has to want to change.
I think you should talk to his parents or a teacher about how depressed he seems to be all the time. He may need professional help and medication to get better.
Please do this as soon as possible. He could be in danger.
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A
female
reader, confusedlover10 +, writes (27 February 2011):
 wow, that is a lot. well, i'm sorry to say this but it looks as if your relationship has ran its course. by you guys spending every single day together, he might have gotten bored and his reason for being so sad all the time is that he wants to break up with you but doesn't know how to tell you. if he's happy and then sad when you guys are together or on the phone then he basically doesn't want to be with you.
you are going to worry yourself to death by trying to make him happy when its never going to happen. if he's saying "why don't you break up with me then", that means that he wants to break up with you, because it seems that he isn't giving any effort toward the relationship, getting drunk on a special day that was meant for you two, putting the phone down so he can play the x box, & saying "why don't you go get happy", these are all signs of a break up. when he says "why don't you go get happy", this means that he doesn't want to be with you and using the happy thing as an excuse.
if he loves you like you say he does, then he would listen to you, put forth more effort into the relationship to make it work and make you happy. the best and hardest thing to do is to let him go. you may not see it now but you will be better off. you deserve someone who will respect you, listen to you and show that they love you, not just say it.
hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (27 February 2011):
 your boy friend is possibly ill with depression and urgently needs to see a Doctor. For the Doctor to make an assessment
Depression is not something you can catch from someone. Nor can you stop it happening. If your boyfriend has depression he will need expert professional medical help.
If your boy friend does have depression then you cannot make it go away. You have tried your best to be good friends to each other. But depression is a difficult, serious but also very treatable
condition.
Millions of people all over the world right now are being treated for depression, people at all ages, all incomes, all nationalities and all social levels can get
depression and anxiety and panic attacks.
A quarter or 25% of all people all over the world will, at some stage in their life, often for no apparent reason, need to seek treatment for one or more of the conditions such as anxiety, depression, panic attacks or one of the more serious conditions and remain in treatment for a short time or a longer time.
The sad irony is that often people refuse to get help and the condition just gets worse.
Also some ignorant people want to hide the problem or refuse to get treatment. But this does help the sufferer.
This problem with your BF is not one You can fix alone.
Google the two words 'depression blue' Download some materials on depression. Ask him to look over what you have down loaded, for his opinion on the materials you found.
Get some help for your BF please
And try to look after yourself well too. I am very sorry St Valentine's day was such a let down. But when you consider that he is ill, then you may realise how over-whelmed he may be feeling.
But until he gets proper medical attention you cannot be certain
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