A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some help to shift my bf's attitude towards me sharing my money with him....we both work, but I earn a lot more than him. We go halves for most things, but sometimes, because he earns less, he's not able to afford things, like going to the cinema or out for a meal once in a while, so I sometimes pay which is fine. Anyway, we've been together 14 months and have been talking about a week holiday together, nothing expensive. I've saved up, but he hasn't been able to, so although we've been discussing it for 6 months, we haven't been away yet, and it looks like we might not be able to any time this year. Now, I love this guy, and I was happy to wait for him to save up, but I work hard (so does he) and would love for us to have a break together sometime soon. He talks about us moving in together and getting married....I thought marriage was about partnership - as in, we share pretty much everything. So, I kinda mentioned this to him, said that if we were married, we'd split the cost of our holiday according to how much each of us could afford. He agreed that if he was the higher earner, he'd be happy to pay a bigger share. But he won't let me! This is chivalrous of him, I know, but I am feeling like I/we are missing out on things because of his stubborness. I've tried gently explaining this, but he won't have it :( What should I do?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 February 2012):
 I think it's just how he was raised and in my book that is a good thing as long as he can handle the day to day, having a GF that makes more then him.
You can spoil him in many ways that won't cost him a thing, such as home cooked meals, picnic and so forth.
I personally have much respect for a guy like that and for a women like you who believes in financial equality :) However, some men feel emasculated when they are not the major bread winner others are more lax.
If you want to do holidays/vacation make a budget for it and both of you save up :)
He actually sounds like a winner to me.
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