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female
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anonymous
writes: I recently found pornography on my fiance's computer. This is the 4th time I have found it. He knows how much it hurts me, only this time he admitted that it was his. I'm sick about it. I don't know what to do. Help?
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female
reader, PrunellaGringepith +, writes (21 March 2006):
 Firstly I think you should ask yourself what exactly is it that upsets you so much about his watching porn. Is it that you feel betrayed? Does it disgust you? Why?Then you need to sit down and discuss with him why he enjoys watching porn. Maybe this is his way of experiencing sexual fantasies that he feel awkward or embarrassed sharing with you. Be understanding and open to his sexual ideas. Perhaps watching porn together would help you understand its appeal to him.My husband and I occasionally watch porn together on a rainy weekend in bed. It's fun, sexy, and often hilarious way for us to get talking about sex, our fantasies, and it is an opportunity to try new things. We have fun and get turned on at the same time. Perhaps this is something you should be open to instead of making demands and setting rules that he is probably not going to keep.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2006): why cant he accept that we are not in the mood for sex???? why do we have to accept him lookin at porn??? men are not the rulers of this world. you are only fooling yourself for settling down with a jackass like that. sex is not what life is about. the women who are upset about the porn choose to have a heart. the women who dont care have no heart. anything that your lover does behind your back that he would not do in front of your face is CHEATING.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2006): What can you do????? Give him a choice....if he chosses porn then leave....SIMPLE
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female
reader, mystify +, writes (14 March 2006):
 id just like to add to anons comment that even if a guy sees it as "less effort to jack off than to have sex" it does not mean that he has to look at porn to do it, and i can only assume that guys who do it for that reason would see the less effort part as "not having to make thier partner cum aswel" in which case is just selfish AND DULL!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2006): Having had an ex-boyfriend who looked at porn a lot, sometimes because it was "less effort to jack off then to have sex" I can say that it's not you, it's him. My current boyfriend used to look at porn A LOT (this is before we started dating) and he is my best resource into the male psyche. I'd say that you need him to be honest, and that's is. A lie is a lie, whether it's about his porn addiction (I assume he's addicted because he's going behind your back to look at it, that's pretty sneaky). Although I am not a man, and do not look at porn, I would venture to say that he's just into it and his porn-liking days started way before you. I believe that it's an addiction and it only leads to more (i.e. lies, porn, lies....). Talk to your man and let him know that this needs to stop. Maybe seeing a therapist is a good idea. Hope this helps, good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2006): i just have to say to anon (13 March 2006) that my man looks at porn on the pc and he lies about it but iv told him that im willing to try anything new and i want it pretty much every day and at all sorts of times, he said he does not have the porn because he is not happy with our sex life or my appearance, so i think that it really depends on the individual circumstances, and well i think my bf is just perverted and lazy and would rather look at a bunch of girls that look like they have just hit puberty having sex with each other rather then being with someone who is real and loves them,i think its selfish and wrong, and because of this i recent my bf , i really hate when men try and blame there addictions on women, its not our fault when you choose to look at porn, when did not ask you to do it and we never told you too, the only reason you blame us is because you know its wrong and you just dont want to have to deal with that wonderful thing we call guilt. and to the person who asked the question, hun this is just going to keep getting worse trust me i know,if you can get out now do it, trying to talk to him and telling him how your hurting its not going to help, his not going to listen or his going to keep promises he cant keep, tell him its his choice you or the porn, if he picks porn you know he was not worth it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2006): Being a man, I can tell you, that if you satisfy your man enough, he won't need to resort to porn. Most guys that resort to porn do so because they are missing something else. If their sexual desires aren't satisfied all the time, then they are going to turn to something else to satisfy it. I know women tend to need to be in the mood, or sometimes don't feel like it. Well, if you don't feel like it, either do it, and please your man, knowing that you man would probably never say no to you, or deal with the fact that he will turn to porn to satisfy himself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2006): I would say most men like pornography. I have even used it myself to spice up my relationship with my boyfriend But it doesnt do much for me-which I was hoping it would do! Talk to him again if it still bothers you, but if you are happy with your sex life Id say try hard to not let it bother you.
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female
reader, mystify +, writes (13 March 2006):
well said rebellious desire,
i am a woman and i would say i am probably more sexual than most men i have dated , and only a couple have been into porn!
lots of men find it just as disturbing and disrespectful as lots of women do.
SOME men look at porn not all , if it dosent sit right with you then sit him down and tell exactly how it makes you feel , let him know that it is a genuine hurt that it makes you feel and let him know why it hurts, like if it feels like your body isnt as great anymore, or that you cant relax as much during sex , or if it feels like cheating...men need to have it spelt out to them, if he disregards your feelings then i would think about leaving him for someone who wont hurt you x
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female
reader, rebellious_desire +, writes (13 March 2006):
I dont think she should have to accept anything at all,it is something she feels stronglt about and just because they are men do not mean they have to look at porn,women are just as sexual ,I would tell him to smarten up or all he would have is his porn
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female
reader, addison +, writes (13 March 2006):
 all men like pornography. It is not up to you whether or not he has it on his computer because it is HIS computer! Ok, so it hurts you to find it..why? Does it make you feel insecure? Does it make you feel you are not good enough or what he wants? Rubbish! Men like pornography, and i have no idea why seeing as though I am female, but I tell you what, I would be concerned if there was no pornography in his life. Yes, it hurts you, but by the sounds of it he is going to look at it anyway. Accept and move on. You can not change him.
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