A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I wrote here a few days ago about my boyfriend not calling or showing up when he said he would (http://www.dearcupid.org/question/its-been-24-hours-and-he-hasnt-called.html).So it's been a few days now and I still haven't heard from him. I don't think he's been on Facebook or Messenger and he may not have checked his email, but I think he's blocked me on Skype. When my Mom called me today she told me she'd seen him at work (he works in a supermarket); she said he'd pretended not to see her, I'd assume he actually didn't see her but now I'm getting paranoid.We've been together years, lived together the last year of college, and I'm really confused and hurt by this. Is there anything more I can do? I really wouldn't like to just show up at his work or home, I purposely don't shop where he works to give him space, and I couldn't know for sure he'd be there. I wouldn't like to involve anyone else either, like asking one of his friends if they knew what was up or asking a mutual friend to contact him.I'm rapidly losing all faith that I'm going to hear from him and though I'm feeling desperate to get in touch with him, I would hate myself for resorting to those desperate behviours. I already feel badly for how much I've called him. He knows I'd gladly give him space to himself if he asked me to, what's eating at me was that he was insisting on calling and seeing me and now there's nothing at all.Is there anything I can do? My calls go unanswered and this is beginning to feel cruel. Thanks so much for whatever you have to say, I appreciate it so much.
View related questions:
at work, facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): What the hell? Go confront him in work. Seriously don't stand for it.
It's not desperate to demand an explanation, it's not desperate not to put up with this or let him think he can just drop you like that. Go to his job and ask him what the hell is he playing at. Really, don't be sad or dejected or desperate, be pissed. Obviously give him a chance to explain himself, something could be up but not contacting you tell you or just ignoring is not on. Put your foot down and demand an explanation.
This is cruel are you going to let him mess you about like this? Are you going to let him think he can just drop you any time he wants or are going to go talk to him about it and let him know you deserve better than to be treated this way. Seriously if you let him get away with this he's juts going to keep hurting you because he knows he can get away with it. I completely disagree about waiting, that's a cruel torture that he shouldn't put you through, he's your boyfriend don't be scared to approach him. If you are scared to approach your own boyfriend then something is seriously wrong with your relationship.
I've been with my girlfriend years too, neither of us would do something like that, neither of us would be scared to just approach each other in work in fact we love that. I think your boyfriend has too much control over this relationship if you don't feel like you can continue to contact him or that you can't go into his job because he needs his space.
Fair enough if you were together only a month or two but you're together years and you don't feel you can do these things, that's seriously weird.
Why wouldn't you feel good about approaching him? Are you scared of him? What's the deal? You lived together for fecks sake, you know each other inside out. He can't treat you like this and you shouldn't let him, he's playing you for a fool. Don't stand for it.
You know what my girl would do if I ever treated her like this, she'd march down to wherever I am and she'd ask me what the hell I was playing at. She'd demand an explanation and she wouldn't care who heard. You wanna know why? Because she's not a pushover. She loves me to bits but would never let me treat her like crap in any way.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): YES very cruel! I too experienced this. I had been in a relationship for nearly 18 months. He was fairly cool towards texting and emailing, had always been, but not enough for me to question it or him.
Then one weekend after a really great time together, full of love and warmth ( so I thought, we had never argued once in the 18 months, our sex life just got better and better, so no clues) I waved good bye to him as usual when he left to go home and over the next few days I text him, as I would do normally after such a lovely time, also emailed him, left messages on his mobile/cell phone. Nothing. But as I had experienced a few lapses before, didn't think too much of it.
Three months on still nothing - by now I was feeling so low and distraught, as I knew he was receiving my messages, why wouldn't he just respond, even if to tell me, he no longer wanted to see me, that I could have handled, well better than being just ignored as though I held no importance. To this day I've not heard from him, that was 19 months ago, no explanation, nothing. I just had to guess as the time went on, we were over.
So I know how you feel, it is the cruellest possible thing to do to another person. It is also demonstrates a selfish, self obsessed nature, where they only consider themselves.
I really hope you are not left too long without a response, and if you are,please don't let it destroy your self-confidence or self-worth, it's guys like this that have the problem.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): It really seems he thinks its over but hasn't the guts to tell you. Very mean, so either send him a brief note saying you regard the relationship over (as a means of closure for you). Or just forget it. Don't cling on to any little fragments of hope. All the signs are its best for you to regard him as an ex now. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miss.Me  +, writes (25 November 2010):
 I just read your other question too right now. Youre right, what he's doing is cruel. I've had a guy do this to me as well so I know how you're feeling. It didnt sound like you guys had a fight or anything like that, so I wonder why he disappeared like that? If he's blocked you I would take that to mean there's something wrong going on. You've called and emailed him enough. If he hasnt replied by now, I would write to him one last time saying: you either reply or we're over. Face-to-face would be better but if he's not answering his phone/ writing back on email then you cant really arrange a meeting, so email is best bet. Someone shouldnt just disappear, especially without saying anything before. You shouldnt be kept worried and clueless as to why/where your partner has went missing!
...............................
|
