A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so i met this guy, and he's really really sweet and we have a lot on common, but all i think of him is a really close friend. He knew when we met that all we were gonna be was friends because i'm gay, but after a while he kept asking me if i was sure i was a complete lesbian. and he'll even jokingly say, positive your not bi? and he keeps telling me over and over i'm the perfect woman for him. i care about him deeply, he's an amazing guy, but i'm afraid he's letting himself hope for something that really won't happen. Even when he jokes around i can tell he's realy hoping i'll give him the answer he wants. i feel horrible that i can't, and i really don't want to hurt him, so what do i do? should i pull back a bit and distance the closeness of the friendship? or what?i'm really starting to freak out because he keeps depending on me more and more and if i ever get into a relationship i'm worried at how he'll react. And the part is, he always wants to spend time together and always talks about us hanging out all the bloody time...but i leave for europe in about a year if not sooner. plse help! thank you so much
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male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (27 February 2010):
 Depending on how comfortable you are with this friend, you need need to have a deep, heart-felt conversation with him. You need to express that you are who you are and that's it. Convey that jokes and conversations to the contrary are hurtful and ultimately driving you away. You just need to communicate to him that all he's doing is possibly confusing the deep friendship with something that would lead in a direction that you don't want to go.
I always hate to use ultimatums, but if all he is doing is adding pain, then you might be forced to back away from the friendship if he's not willing to accept your boundaries.
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