| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: What can I do? My boyfriend hates my past, I never did something wild, but there was a mutual friend involved. It happened before I met my boyfriend. Then that same friend introduced me to my boyfriend. Then after 6 months my boyfriend asked me about my past, I told him and he started getting jealous and lost his trust in me. I stopped talking to my friend. But my boyfriend is still jealous of everything.Back when I was still talking to my friend, this friend was talking to me about this band I liked, and I had DYIed a shirt with their logo. That happened almost three years ago. My boyfriend was present, but of course back then he thought nothing of it. After he learned about my past, however, this shirt and this band became an issue, because that was something I had in common with the friend. So a couple of years ago or so, he asked me about the shirt and the band and blah blah, and I frankly didn't remember much about it and didn't really care about it. So I said something and that was it.Now, he has my "ex" on MSN, they still talk, and my "ex" had the name of a song in his nickname that I really like. My boyfriend also loves that song, and I first heard it because my boyfriend showed it to me! But now he's all upset because he says my ex and I are meant for each other or something. Even though my ex is very much in love with his new girlfriend (I'm very happy for him even if we no longer speak to each other). But my boyfriend just keeps nagging about the past, and how we have a lot in common and the other band and the shirt. So he asked again about the shirt, and I said I didn't really remember (I honestly didn't) and said something a bit different than the first time and BAM! "You're such a liar, how can I trust you, you should just be with him then, you're meant to be, blah, blah, fatty".I'm trying to lose weight, and I haven't seen progress yet, so that "fatty" thing really hurt! And he turned his cell phone off, and now I don't know what will happen, will he break up with me, etc. I just feel like crap, because now I literally did NOTHING to deserve this! I'm so tired of always having to deal with his jealousy of this friend and the past, I no longer talk to the guy but of course he thinks I somehow sneak around and talk to him! And NO I DON'T DO THAT! I really love him, and I just wish he would just forget about the past, dammit. I just wish he really believed me when I tell him I love him, and that I only care about him, that I don't want anyone else, but he doesn't seem to believe it no matter what I do or say... I just want him to believe it because I love him with all my heart, what can I do? I just hate being in this "limbo" of not knowing what will happen or what I should do! Plus now I feel gross and ugly, great!
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jealous, liar, lose weight, msn, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): Im sure if you were gross and ugly your bf woulnt be making such a fuss and so jealous of your mutual friend. It seems he has alot of trust issues and feels very insecure. Try telling him the truth, thats its all so unimportant you cant even remember much. If having this mutual friend still in his life is just fueling his fire, maybe you should suggest he stops having contact with the guy.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): He's not 14, he's a normal guy reacting the way millions of normal people of both genders do.
It might be a pain the ass and it might be his own problem, but that doesn't make him a freak for having it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): Dump him if he insists on being an asshat. If he can't deal with who you are and your past, I seriously doubt his maturity. What is he? 14?
If you want to give him a chance then sure, be upfront with him and tell him how the matter is. Either he can accept that and let it be, or he wont, and you must break it off.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (29 September 2009):
 First, are you gross and ugly????? Does what a guy say mean that you are? Should it dictate how you view yourself? And yes he's really wrong for calling you what he did.
You're weight loss needs to be for you. I hope your attempts to do so are not to please anyone else but to feel better about yourself. If you change to please others, the others come and go, so does the motivation and true reason for change.
Here's what you need to FIRMLY do. One chance to talk about the past, honestly and totally. After that, the past gets cut loose or you're going to have to cut him loose. You do not deserve to live like this. If he can't respect you, someone else will. So this is where you can also find out how he really feels about you, and if he's willing to do, in order to grow this relationship.
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