A
female
age
41-50,
*uzieSusan
writes:[OP original title]Hi,I really need help here as I'm in a confused state right now.My guy is 5 years younger to me. We started seeing each other 5 years ago. At the beginning of our relationship, he really showed his love and concern for me. But as time passed by, I started realizing that he was quite immature with his decisions. 4 years ago, he started his own company and he needed a lot of guidance and support which I gave. The business is doing great right now, just the way I had imagined it would and I'm very happy for him. I'm proud to see what he has achieved. As we grew older in the relationship, I realized that we were not growning together, but growing apart. Somethings about him: He told a couple of lies, which I just by chance happened to catch. When i confronted him, he said he was sorry or sometimes, he would never admit he was wrong. Every time we fought, 90% of the time, I made the first move and said sorry for whatever i had said...even though the reason for the fight was either his lie to me or some immature behavior because I think, there is no point in fighting over silly issues.I have noticed that he has a bloated ego. He would prefer not talking to me for days together, but never say sorry. Even if he says sorry, he would not mean it, because he would have said it just to get out of the situation. There are lot of times, when he just takes off for a drive with his friends, or goes off for treks, and even when he has a choice to stay with me, he chooses them over me. This just breaks my heart because for me, he is my world. I would never leave him behind and go and enjoy myself with a set of friends.I understand that he wants to lead his life, his way, but he has a responsibility towards this relationship as well.I have seen an extremely selfish side of him, and which has now hurt me and broken my heart. For him, its his time, his friends, what he wants to do, where he wants to go, what makes him happy.. for me its always what makes him happy, i always let go my ego and do things for him. He has never stopped me from doing anything..he has supported me when i started on my business, monetarily, but when it comes to supporting me by being there for me..he is off on a trek with his friends or he's on a long drive somewhere..Somethings about me: I have stopped him a couple of times, from not going out with his friends, just for the above reason, that i expect him to spend time with me. I have not left him behind and gone out with a set of friends for a movie or picnic. For this, he says i expect a lot from him. I have stopped him for spending money unnecessarily, buying expensive clothes, watches, etc. for which i think he feels like he's earning handsful, so why cant he enjoy the money. I feel, if its not necessary, dont buy it just to show off.He uploads pics and info's on social networking sites and I dont get to know about it until i have visited his profile. My point is, if i'm your GF, wont you first share that info with me, rather than a bunch of friends and 50% of whom are just aquantainces,who dont really care if you gave your dog a bath or you went for a trek somewhere? I have never hidden anything or lied to him about anything in all these 5 years. I think he is the most important person in my life, and anything, however small it might be, i should share with him first. The others dont matter in life.. Basically this is where i need help guys:1.) Am i wrong somewhere? If yes, where? what would you have done in the same situation?2.) I love him a lot, really care for him, and i cant get him out of my head..what should i do? I want to save this relationship, 5 years is not a small time, but is it worth saving when all we end up doing is fighting?3.) Is it money that has changed his attitude or is it he is immaturity?I think, however immature a person might be, you will have some basic ettiqutes in any relationship, care and concern for the other person, or having a selfless attitude towards your loved one.. I know he loves me as much as I do, but i just dont understand where are we both going wrong..
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female
reader, T-Marie  +, writes (9 August 2010):
 Hey there,
I think the key here is compromise... You are bound to find him immature in some respects, A) beacause he is 5yrs your junior and B) because men mature slower than women do.
As for his spending habits, try compromise on that too. it's not about what you say to him, it's more about how you say it. The best way I have found is to make him believe it was his decision in the first place. It is fair for him to want to spend his earnings so perhaps instead of 'telling' him or 'nagging' as it is percieved by men, try to start a conversation, ease your way onto the subject and try and discreetly prompt him to make the decisions you want out of the situation.
As for going out with his friends, if you are both arguing a fair bit this will make him want to be out more so, as one situation improves the others should follow. Again you can try the above method with this too. Try asking what he would like to do or even something as trivial as whether there is anything on the television he would like to watch, this way he will find ways to stay in 'of his own accord'
Best of luck and i hope this helps xxx T
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