A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I would love to know how one can know if a man is showing signs of controlling/possessive behaviour? Apart from breakup with the man who has these patterns, what can one do to avoid a breakup and heartache etc - is it possible for a man to overcome this behaviour? and what can the partner do to help a man be less insecure about himnself? I have tried to encourage him etc. so don't know what more I can do - feel pretty helpless and would love more information if possible - thanks!!
View related questions:
a break, insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all who answered - I totally agree with your comments but what if you have taught someone how to treat you and its not how you wanted and you would like to unteach them again - is the only way to ignore them until they value you and give you the respect you deserve. Its just so crap having to back off in order to stay like a happy human being and brit429 - I have had a v abusive relationship before this one that matches what you have been through so I do feel for you - I hope I didnt bring up any painful memories for you..and yeah its looking like a 2 year process for me - its already been a painful year trying to get a man like this.To conclude - okay so people never change but if they refuse therapy and think that they are always right and that nothing you can say or do will ever meet what they anticipate as right what is the solution?1. Back off until you receive respect?2. Insist that they do not dictate to you how you run your life?? and then tell them to piss off if they try to??Only learned this recently btw. (It hurts to do as you love them still but you don't want to love them cos they don't deserve it)3. Time is the healer of all our wounds in life and as soon as someone tries to make us miserable the only way is to ignore and dust yourself off again - easier said than done but I wish there was a solution that didn't involve having to break up with a controlling man.What if, you break up with a controlling man and tell him you won't be with him until he acts properly?? is that the only way to condition a person and make them aware of your preferences before they go to abuse a person??! Any thoughts again and thank you people...B
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): There's a cliché which says, 'we teach people how to treat us'. If you've allowed him to control you, he'll continue to control you. You have to decide as soon as possible about staying in or leaving this relationship. brit429 was right on target! Maybe with therapy he can change, but first he's got to admit that he has a problem. Unfortunately a lot of controlling men also become physically and mentally abusive. I hope this doesn't happen in your case. But that's why you have to decide ASAP on getting in or staying out. If you stay in, you have to insist that you get couple therapy. If he's not willing to do that, run as fast as possible - in the direction which leads you away from him. Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): well i had a a boy friend that was not at first but then i got pregnent and then i had a misscarried and i started to smoke and he didnt like that so he always yelled at me and thing then i told him if loved me he would go see a doctor he did for about 6 weeks and he was doing really good well it was one friday night and 1 of my girlfriends was getting married so all the girls where going to a club well he didnt like that so he grapped me throw me on the floor and told me if you go i will kill you well then one of my friends came to the door so he got up and she came in and she seen i had cryin so she took me in the bathroon and asked what going up i told her and she go and come home with me they are never going to change i stayed with him for 2 years i know but it starts with him trying to make you change your life style and then it goes to him hitting you so if you feel like you are dateing a guy like that get out soon before it is too late
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): Maybe with a lot of therapy...it may be possible for him to change. But a guy who is controlling will always be that way. Insecurities are the reason for the controlling nature. You can't fix him, you can only take care of yourself, and if he doesn't think he needs "fixin" nothing will change. I know, I lived it for years! If anything, it gets worse.
I'm sorry to sound so negative, but the only way for me was out! I needed to "fix" me. All those years of control and abuse, took it's toll. It was a two year process to get myself back to a normal happy human being.
To be controlled by someone IS NOT LOVE! It's possession.
Again, I'm sorry for the negativity, but this is my experience.
I wish you luck, whatever you decide.
...............................
|
