A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, this woman I am into has recently split from her hubby. We've flirted for months now, I wasn't sure if he was still around as she seemed to enjoy my flirtatious being. I really like her, but not sure what to do. Firstly, what the chances she's broke up with her hub, turned a gay and want to be with me in the space of a few months? Total long shot I know, so my question is...how do I make my move now. How long do I give it and what do I do to let her know I'm into her?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2013): You better give her time to get over her divorce. There is a lot of tension after the breakup of a marriage. You don't want to be the victim of a rebound relationship. She has to undergo the emotions of separation. No one really detaches that clean; there is always emotional baggage.
She'll have to deal with her ex-husband's reaction to the discovery of her participation in a lesbian relationship.
She will be undergoing a series of conflicted emotions that will drive you crazy. She will be grieving the loss. Angry and confused. Bitter and resentful. She may even take out her frustrations on you, if you push her too far. It's not a good time for anyone clingy. So be sure you're not the smothering type.
Aside from dating and keeping each other company, anything too emotionally intense is doomed from the start. You are already infatuated, and ready to push things well-beyond the limits of practicality. You are in-love with the concept of being in love. You will attach to a person who is undergoing something as serious as separation and divorce.
Approach genuinely, and let her know you are willing to give her support over her recovery period. Keep it light and controlled. I doubt you will, but I'll give you benefit of the doubt.
He will be around for some period time; until he finds his closure. She was once his wife. His ego will not take his ex-wife's potential lesbian-lover well. He may cause some trouble; because that would be a serious blow to a man who is heterosexual. He has to face his family and friends.
I hope there are no children involved. That would complicate things even further. So it's okay to be available; until you know where her true feelings lie.
You are welcomed to pursue friendship, and allow time to develop anything stronger.
No, just a few months is not enough. She still has to deal with the emotions of an ex who has been dumped. The difficulties of dividing property, and ill-will. Even backlash from a man who discovers his ex-wife is romantically involved only shortly after they broke up.
If you have what it takes to deal with all that. Follow your heart right over a cliff.
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