A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've read horrible statistic that the odds of a woman marrying after 50 are something less than winning the lottery . What the hell ? Is this true . Are we really that unattractive and unwanted? What are women's experiences with STARTING new relationships after this age . Not just hook ups but romantic relationships Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2017): Hi OP.
Yes, 50 is still young!
You just haven't had the fortune of meeting the right man or the right men for that matter.
I am 48. My boyfriend is 15 years older. He makes me feel young. I am independent but I depend on him too for my needs.
I met him quite by chance. He was my dance instructor. Yes, he was an older dance instructor! But quite young for his age. I was not seeking love and neither was he. But it was fireworks from the get go.
So, what I am saying is that person is meant to walk into your life at a certain time. Just happens that way. I believe we meet people for a reason and when the time is right. My boyfriend and I should have met twice before meeting the third time. The first time we both shared a friend in common where I worked and my bf was always there but never managed to run into me. The second time his dental office was in the building at another place I worked. And I passed the dental office everyday on my way to lunch. And the third time was at the dance studio.
Do you think you are choosy? Do you have very high standards? I am not saying these things are wrong. Just wondering if you rule men out pretty quickly or judge them without truly knowing them because you are thinking they are all shallow anyway. What I mean is that not all men are shallow pigs. I know, I actually said that! Most of them ARE! Lol But not ALL.
I think you do have a lot going for you. Enjoy it. Enjoy yourself. Nothing wrong with being independent or on your own. Society likes to make us think that there is something wrong with us women if we are not spoken for. But you seem pretty strong to me. That is good too.
I think there is hope for all of us at any age.
Do you belong to any social groups or professional groups in which you are able to socialize and find men who share common interests? Do you get out a lot? Or are you career driven?
There are so many things you can do to meet people. Sitting at home will not help. You need to expose yourself. I am not a big believer in online dating. Heard so many horror stories. Most of those guys are shallow and looking just for sex. I think the experience for women is quite demeaning over all. And very discouraging. I would not recommend it at all.
But how about going to dances? Or taking a course in something you enjoy? Do you belong to a gym? Do you travel? Going to seminars?
I think there are men in our age group looking for a relationship. At this stage, they may be divorced or widowed. They may be seeking companionship or a relationship. Either is good.
I do not think men are all shallow. Many of them like to be intellectually stimulated by a woman their own age. Youth and looks are fleeting. I think the guys who do go younger soon get bored and move on. It takes much more than looks or youth to keep a man interested long term. And think about it: Sometimes the younger women get bored of the older guy and find someone closer to their own age, most likely a guy who can keep up to them sexually. We women are programmed to think they can put us out to pasture when we age. But we can just as easily do the same thing to them when they are not able to keep up to us!
Also, the market for younger seeking older is not very large. I can remember being in my 20s or 30s and if an older guy showed any interest, I was seriously creeped out. They did nothing for me. The only way they get younger women is if they have money. And that kind of a guy? Who wants him? He is desperate to hang onto his faded youth and is truly making a fool of himself and the woman who is using him sure does know it! The grass isn't always greener.
So, be happy. Happy girls are the prettiest. Lol Be confident and don't think too much about it. You will meet somebody intriguing when you least expect it. But I think letting go of hang ups and preconceived notions about men and their "shallowness" would help too. So would letting go of the age and male vs. female stereotypes. Try to look at things positively. Attitude is everything. I do not look my age or feel it. I take care of myself. I also have a good sense of humour and love to have fun. I still have child like wonder about many things in life. And I prefer to be this way - which is frankly refreshing at my age - than cynical, jaded, closed minded and resentful. I think experiences in life make us richer and despite the bad, we should still embrace the possibilities and opportunities when they come our way. And try not to shut them down or sabotage them with the thoughts we create in our own minds before hand. You just never know what is around that corner...
Your value is not based on anyone else. It is based on you. Another individual only enhances this. He does not take away or add to it.
Keep enjoying life and be confident of your unique beauty. Inside and out. A man who sees how happy you are will be attracted to that quality alone.
I wish you well. :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2017): I don't think I'm set in my ways at all , just independent . In fact I'm very easy going . I simply acknowledge that marriage
Is no better a deal for women than men . I have a lot of financial security and am in no better position by marrying so I'm not sure what incentive there is for that . Now if it were purely for
Love then sure I'd consider it , but we would have to both be really feeling it . I'm attractive and have lot of good qualities . Is my age the only reason you feel I can't be choosy ? 50 is pretty young I would think
To give up on love and living .
Guess I'm just trying to ascertain If all I hear about the extreme shallowness of men is really true or a myth
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2017): Hi OP.
You definitely seem set in your ways by your age. And know what you want.
Just realize that because you are so set in your ways and so opinionated on what is right for you, you are definitely limiting yourself to the possibilities.
Not sure how choosy you can be at this point?
Just something to be aware of.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2017): It can definitely happen!My aunt was in an abusive marriage for 20+ years. She was afraid to leave the man because she works nightshift and was dependant on the man to care for her their two children.Few years ago that man dumped her for a much younger woman. My aunt thought she was going to spend the rest of her life alone, as both children are now in college and moved out.She took a flight to visit me and met a man her age at the airport. They both left a bad marriage and bonded instantly. They maintained a long distance relationship for about a year and eventually moved in together. He calls her his princess and they are so much in love. This taught me that you can find love at any age, as long as you keep an open heart and mind.Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2017): Other's thanks for the interesting feedback . Yes I certainly would t want to marry again. Just like the make anon mentions about incentives for males to marry not being there , I think the same holds true for women . Most women
Most women don't want to get stuck caring for a sick old man as most men tend to care less for their health and die younger than women leaving many older wives in the position of carer .
I would much prefer just to find a good relationship with a great connection , not marriage or living together . That would be ideal . I am enjoying my independence and would love to find a man who also loves his but wants a woman to share free time maybe holidays sex etc with
Here's hoping ;p
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2017): Sure, there is always hope.
Why don't you try looking at a man 15 years older than you?
You will still be a young chick to him!
And there are some older men who preserve well and have plenty of intelligence and life experience to share.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2017): After my father died my mother, at age 64, married a man aged 65 two years later. They remained happily married until he died.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2017): The chances are much slimmer than they were when you were in your 20s or 30s, but the chances are there.It happened to me, so it is just as likely to happen to you.When I was 47 my husband ran off with a woman half my age.I was then on my own for 8 years. I wanted another relationship and, like you, I didn't want any kind of hook-up. For 6 solid years I tried internet dating, joining clubs and groups, but never met a man I was interested in. I also found that most of the men my age were looking at women at least 15 years younger than them.Eventually, after those 6 years I gave up looking for love and decided that I was probably going to spend the rest of my life singe. So, I threw myself into things that I enjoyed and decided to make my life as good as it could possibly be. I spend 2 years like this, happy, busy, and life was good. Then I joined a new group and, quite by chance met a man 7 years older than me. At first I thought he was too old ad I was not attracted to him physically, but I liked him as a person. we became friends and, after 4 months, realised that we had feelings for each other, and were physically attracted to each other. I was 55 and he was 64. I am not a stunning 55 year old, I am slightly overweight and my face is sagging with age. But I know how to make a man laugh.We are still together and happier than ever.So, my advice to you is:Never give up hope.Make your life and the things you do as interesting and fun as possible.Join clubs where the membership is in flux and new people join regularly - like a historical society, a political group, a walking club, or a theatre group.Be friendly and positive and fun - to most older men (or the ones worth knowing) this is far sexier than a hot 25 year old bimbo.If you meet a man who likes you, give him a chance, even if you don't fancy him, because you never know.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2017): I agree with Honeypie you should not have marriage on your mind as soon as you start dating a person. Instead have a relationship take its course. In fact that applies at any age when you think about it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 March 2017):
 I'm with Auntie BimBim!
It can happen. You can't rely on statistics to build your life. Life and LOVE are more than mere numbers.
See what's out there, enjoy life, see places, meet new people.
To be married is not a be all or end all, at any age.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2017): The odds of getting married and the odds of getting into a healthy long-term relationship are two different things.Marriage has become a bad deal for modern men. When we look at things logically the idea fails. We get the same relationship + worse consequences/risks if it breaks up. (Please don't blame us for using our brains. We need this kind of thinking to succeed in life. If you want a man who doesn't think like this you can always visit a jail or homeless shelter.)By the age of 50yo most single men have gotten comfortable with not being married (or not anymore). We also don't usually plan on having children for the first time after 50yo so there goes one more remaining incentive to get married.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (22 March 2017):
 My father in law, a widower, was in his late 50s, married a lady in her 50s, and they had a happy marriage for 30 years ...
HOWEVER personal observations do suggest women in their 50s are less likely to become involved in loving relationships, I've always thought it could be because most woman in that age group who are single have experienced some tough times and are no longer willing to take any crap.
Single, sane, attractive, intelligent healthy men in that age group aren't single for long. :-)
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