A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Recently people have been complaining to me that it is difficult to make friends in the city I currently live in and that most people are either superficial or out for themselves.I agree that busy people with busy lives just dont have time for new friends and tend to rely on family units.For myself I am not looking for new friends yet as I have enough in my own life to contend with so what do you think is the answer to these peoples possibly valid complaints?Are they just having a moan to a listening ear or this an endemic problem? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (2 October 2017):
Smile...Say hello to complete strangers. Look people in the eyes and acknowledge their existence.
You do realise that 20 years ago we did not have this problem. Our phones have cause us to stop talking...more texting to express yourself. Always looking down at your phone, and not looking at people in the eyes. It has made people paranoid to say "Hello" to stranger, unless the are on their social media list.
The world has not changed...People have.
Want friends...Go back to old school social media...Talk to people...Buying coffee in morning?...Talk to the person behind the counter like a friend. Security guard at work?...say hi like a friend would. Taxi driver?...talk...he's still human like you.
I go to MacDonald's for coffee in the morning...and the girl know me by voice over the intercom. They a rush to the window just to hi to me. Not because I am some handsome stud...NO...But because I talk to them as if we all hang out the night before...like best friends. I treat them like a person, and not just a low paid employee at a take out window.
They put smiley faces on my coffee lid, or write "Have great day." Simple things...but it makes my day, and theirs.
Friends are not the people who are at the same level as you. Friends are the people you let into your life because they have a good heart. Not based on their job skills, money, house, or social group.
I am friends with homeless people. They know me by name, and say hello in the morning. The cleaning lady at work...she buys me coffee, and we sit and talk about...and I am the boss.
How did it start?? I was going to buy coffee, saw her cleaning, and asked if she wanted something. She was scared to say yes, but I insisted. We have been good friends ever since.
Forget the status of the outside of people, and care more about the status of the inside.
I treat everyone I meet they way I would like to be treat myself.
A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (1 October 2017):
 A good way to make friends is through dancing. People can enquire at dance schools to find out if they hold group lessons for Salsa, Jive etc . There are usually loads of adverts around for dance classes anyway like Ceroc (also known as French Jive) and Swing dancing which is the style of Jitter Bug dancing from the 1940's. It's a very good, and fun, way of getting to know people.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (30 September 2017):
The city is not the problem. The people you are talking about have only themselves to blame. There are any number of charities and community groups that one can join. One needs to dedicate a few nights a week and their available time on weekends to joining groups. Those who are moaning either have highly negative personality traits or just aren't making the effort.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (30 September 2017):
 The key is to get out there and join different things. Build a social life. Take an evening class; join a reading group at your library; join a choir; volunteer for a charity. Pick a couple of things outside your normal interests to broaden your field of interest.
As you get to know others you can start arranging get-togethers outside of the activity.
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse +, writes (30 September 2017):
Are you asking some people on the internet about whether the unnamed city you live in is a place where it is difficult to make friends? We're good but not that good!
I'll bite though, often cities can be places where connections are difficult to make in the ways people are used to make them- through neighbours or through work as these networks are weak or already established. They need to look harder through clubs or groups in their part of the city. Occasionally a part time job in their neighborhood is a good option. Volunteering too. Good luck to them.
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