A
female
age
36-40,
*iffy116
writes:So my ex broke up with me a month and a half ago and I am still pining for him, but I know he's no good for me. Not until he broke up with me did I accept that he wasn't good enough but when we were together I was just too in love to care. I hung out with him on his 21st birthday, and we wound up making out... and that happened again on xmas when he came over for a lil to meet my mom (he told me he really wanted to meet her and my best friend...). After the break-up we agreed that we would spend new years together but he completely spaced and wound up driving to LA from DC with a couple of friends. We talked on the phone before he left and I asked him why did he kiss me? Was it because he misses me or loves me? He took a minute to reply and said I really don't know, I'd have to consider it. WTF?! How does he not know? or is it that he's just too immature to tell me (that's why he broke up with me; he was too immature and couldn't give me what I deserve without derailing the rest of his realm). Everyone I've been venting to tells me that he had nothing to offer me; he doesn't have his shit together; he only brings you down... I am really beginning to accept these truths but my heart still aches for him and I don't want it to. I really want to be friends with him still (which I know he's not opposed to) but as one of my best friends said: you can't be in love with someone and still be friends. It's just hard right now because we ended things oddly... he wants to be with me but not until he gets his shit together. I originally told him I'd wait as long as my heart lets me but it's getting to that point where I can't wait any longer. Post-break up I am really seeing his selfishness. I feel like he just wants me on the side for when he's ready to be with me but I'm a human being and shouldn't be treated this way. When he gets back from LA I really want to have a face to face conversation with him and tell him what's going on with me/us but need help articulating those thoughts...Help, you've read my situation. What should I say to him and what are some tips on getting my heart back/getting over him?
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female
reader, diffy116 +, writes (3 January 2009):
diffy116 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks ya'll, I appreciate the support and tips. It's just very hard for me right now because after living on my own for the past 4 1/2 years I'm now living with my father back home where I have only 1 friends who is very busy and besides her, my ex and some of his friends are the only people i know. i don't have a car so i'm quazi trapped here, but i am trying really hard not to dwell... oh and he never even wished me a happy new year, great guy, but that was all in 2008 and will ideally stay that way :)
A
female
reader, loner  +, writes (1 January 2009):
 Ill be honest its not a nice thing and its not a nice feeling, it hurt. Although if i was you i would not talk to him when he gets back, he is just going to ignore you. 1. Start a hobby. 2.find a really nice social network site where you can meet new people. 3, find yourself a really good friend, even if its a co-worker, they normally listen best. 4. Delete his number and burn anything he ever gave you, photos, clothes, letters everything, that will help the fastest to get him off your mind. 5. NEVER EVER contact him for the best. This worked for me, i was really attached to my ex boyfriend till step 3 happened, today my close friend is even closer, he takes me out, buys me flowers and clothes. He means the world to me. Sometimes one needs to go through some toads before you find your true knight.. Give it time, and most importantly believe in yourself! Only positive thoughts!!
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