A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My husband's love language is Acts of Service. He's an ambitious man with a high stress job, and has to bring work home a couple nights as week. I try to use this time to do some of his/our chores so he doesn't have to do them. I also like to make him tea or a snack while he works at home. What other Acts of Service can I do to show him I love him that don't necessarily involve chores or cleaning? Because as much as I want to help, I don't want to do all the chores and I don't enjoy them.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (30 May 2019):
 Great news, OP! It’s so refreshing to see a couple work it out like that and both put effort into using the other’s love language. A maid service and robot vacuum will help. People who work full-time definitely won’t feel up to doing lots of chores! You both work hard, even if one job is more stressful and higher paid due to that stress.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (30 May 2019):
 How about learning to give him a stress relieving massage (and no, that isn't a euphemism, ha ha!). When someone is stressed mentally, it tends to filter down into their body, most specifically their muscles, and make the whole body tense.
Those of you who are reading this while at your computer, stop for a second and do these things:
- drop your shoulders from round your ears and let them relax
- take your tongue away from the roof of your mouth and relax it
Your body will instantly feel more relaxed.
You probably already know how soothing and relaxing a good massage can be. There is lots of information available on giving a good massage. Perhaps you could learn the skill and practice on your husband?
Does your husband take baths (as opposed to showers)? If so, run him a bath so he can get in and relax. Perhaps bring him a drink while he is IN the bath.
You've probably already done this but, in case you haven't thought of it, you could rearrange chores so that he doesn't have any to think about on the days he brings work home (so it's either work OR chores, not both).
When you bring him a drink while he is working, could you bring him a favourite chocolate bar or other treat as well? For instance, my partner's favourite chocolate treat is dark Bounty. I usually keep a secret stash and give them to him as rewards for doing something or to sweeten up a bad day. Little things often mean a lot.
Your husband is very lucky to have a wife who wants to do as much as she can to ease the stress in his life. I hope he does likewise for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2019): Hi everyone! OP here. Thank you for the suggestions. My husband and I were actually talking last week and decided to hire maid service for every other Sunday afternoon. It's also a way to force us to de-clutter every other Sunday morning before maid service arrives. We used to force ourselves to clean by inviting people over every other weekend (which we love doing)... I guess when you both hate cleaning, you gotta do what you gotta do.
My husband's love language is mostly acts of service with some words of affirmation & physical touch. Mine is mostly words of affirmation and some physical touch & quality time. He's pretty good at fulfilling my love language with words of appreciation, I love yous, texts, post-it notes, etc.
I didn't really realize/understand his was acts of service until now, which explains a lot of his actions and requests. I guess I feel like all the others languages are easier to fulfill, or maybe that's because we share those needs mutually. Acts of service seems to be only about work & cleaning which honestly isn't appealing or romantic to me. I'll do them to take care of him but again, not very appealing. So I guess maid service is a good start.
We both work full time, but he has the high pressure (and higher paying) job. Before he got this job, I sat with him to do his cover letter & resumes for a few days so I think that was a nice act of service that didn't involve cleaning. :)
We also discussed that we need to be less cheap basically and spend money on things that will make our lives easier. I think we will finally get one of those robot vacuums.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (29 May 2019):
Definitely work out a routine. Most people don't like chores, so it's understandable that you don't want to do all of them all the time. Then the chores get done by both of you, in a way and frequency you can both agree on and maybe once a fortnight (if you can afford it), you hire a cleaning service for an hour or two, so neither of you have to do some of it.As for acts of service, perhaps ask him what other things he'd like. Typically, it is stuff like cleaning, cooking, washing up, vacuuming, dusting, etc. That said, hopefully things like doing the shopping and laundry would be things that make him feel loved and supported.Do you work (outside of the home)? If not, it may be worth getting a job one or two days per week, so you can use that money to hire a maid sometimes or to save up for things he'd like/needs - a car wash, a day trip, an experience day, a gift card to get something he wants/needs, a new appliance (or similar) that would make life a bit easier for you both, etc.Out of curiosity, what is your love language and what does he do to love you in that way? Having a high stress job is sometimes necessary, but it can be lonely if the job always comes first.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 May 2019):
 Hire a maid.
THAT would be a lovely act of service in my book. That way HE doesn't HAVE to worry about his HIGH stress job and also pleasing you by doing some of the chores.
Or order take out. Then NEITHER of you have to cook.
I have to ask why cleaning is so offensive to you. I can tell you this, when I got home from the hospital a while back and the house was spick and span, it was SUCH a nice feeling. I normally do the majority (about 85-90%) of all the cleaning, all the cooking, and other house chores, so for ME that was SO lovely a gesture.
I don't LOVE to clean but it has to be done. I don't LOVE to do ANY chores really, but they HAVE to be done. Not just to show love for my family, but peace of mind for me and having a home that I can be proud of.
"Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. "
PLAN out the chores better. WITH him.
That way when HE has to bring home work (and you don't) you take over some of the chores. Let's say he calls to let you know he will have to bring home work that night, ASK him what he would like to eat - then order some takeout.
And when he DOESN'T have to take home work, then HE can be in charge of cooking (or ordering food) and other chores.
Part of a marriage is to make things easier for each other and HELP each other out.
I don't mean to say that you should just "suck it up" and do his chores but find ways to make the home life a positive thing for the both of you.
And you BOTH should perhaps work on some routines so chores isn't something to AVOIDED - just something that needs done. Like HE could pick up the house (pick a room each) and spend 10 minutes just picking stuff up and putting them away. That way the house will not get too cluttered or "messy". Running a vacuum afterwards or dusting will only take a few after that.
If you BOTH work and can afford it, hire a maid service for the kind of cleaning you don't really like. It doesn't HAVE to be that many hours a week, especially if you get a "pick the house up" routine.
You are there to support him and he you. Find what will work for the BOTH of you. TALK to him.
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