A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi AllFor the last six months ive been unhappy with my LDR, the relationship itself is great when together however time apart is hell. Neither of us will give up our jobs (weve discussed it many times) because we both have safe jobs and the job market is awful.We looked at commuting and the travel costs were insane and we couldnt afford it.We have spent around three weeks at a time together with no arguments, the ONLY issue is distance but it seems an insurmountable one.So, although i love her i cant see a future in the relationship and decided i would have to move on.However as she has an outstanding health issue (which required an operation) i put it all to the back of my mind for now and focussed on helping her through the operation and weeks to follow (using all my holiday to do so)Then christmas came so we spent that together, plus we discovered she would need 'one last operation' so again i put it to the back of my mind, and booked the holiday to look after her.Shes now had what we expected to be her 'last operation' and is healing but ..theres more complications and she needs at least one more operation. Its entered my mind this could go on for at least months, possibly years.If her health was good, id have suggested we split months ago, but- i feel horrible at the idea of abandoning her while she is ill.So my question is, could you end a relationship with someone while their health is poor?. I feel a monster for even thinking of it, but at the same time i do feel that its the wrong reason to stay with someone?.Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2012): Look, you have supported her through operations - you have said neither of you will move because of job security (totally understandable nowadays) so really your going to have to be cruel to be kind.Finish it sooner rather than later if there's no way forward
I would like to add that she must have been off work alot as one needs recovery time after each operation so no doubt she will be nervous about job security too.
Your a caring man,very caring, but sometimes we all have to make tough choices.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 February 2012):
 When you are sure about ending a relationship, that would be the easy part because the first part is always the most difficult.
There will be haunting things in your mind, such as you are selfish, aren't sick people worthy of love too? Am I just an animal looking for the best species to spread my genes? Am I capable of being compassionate?
You have to put these thoughts aside. Thoughts are just thoughts and not truth. You are still compassionate. It's just that you have control over your destiny and no one can tell you how to live your life, and so does your partner in the hospital. She may or may not become healthy in the future but it is her choice how she is going to live her life.
Treat her as just another human being, not a sick person. She is a strong spirit with a temporal body just like yours. You decide to end this because like many other LDRs, it's costly, it's frustrating, and the most important, it does not bring out the best in you.
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A
female
reader, Deagan  +, writes (8 February 2012):
 It's a tough call. I for one would not like being strung along. I would want someone there for me because they WANT to be there for me, not because they feel obligated too.
It's a crappy situation but you just need to start with being honest. It's going to hurt for both of you, but honesty is the best policy. Talk to her about what you've mentioned in your post- how you've been feeling. Tell her you can't be in a relationship anymore but if she needs for the time being, you can lend support during her surgeries. Good luck.
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