A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello all, I've known this girl in my class for four years and in our last year of college we got to know each other a little better. We collaborated on many occasions and organized main events and school-related assignments together. I must admit that she is quite a geeky girl, not really having an outstanding fashion sense, not particularly beautiful although in a traditional way she is. Didn't pay much attention to her until my last year. She has the same boyfriend from her highschool, so it was a no go. I think she felt attracted to me and I guess I was also heavily attracted to her, multiple ways. It was obvious because of her staring, she would unintentionally follow my moves and try to talk to me. She would laugh at my jokes and I intentionally said stuff about things I knew she was a fan of, on which she would happily react. The signs were obviously there and I would feel happy if I saw her walking into class. I liked teasing her. Nothing happened, really, as I restricted myself and she seemed to do the same. I can't deny that there would be more than just the 'platonic' friendship we shared if she didn't have a bf and if my ex (whom is also in our class) wasn't still around to mix into the drama. So all year we circeled around each other, I think. She mentioned her boyfriend enough times and I guess the restrictions were clear. I tried not to get romantically involved with her, but I would have if I got the change. On rare occasions that we were on the same party, she would say some subtle things while being under the influence of alcohol. She once send me a short message indicating she teased me on leaving the party early. She apologised heavily afterwards, though. She even cried a little. Guess she felt guilty. But never a confession from her. Never something verbal that indicates she harbored a crush for me. I tried to ignore the signs and the subtle interactions, but I guess I failed horribly in acting like an adult. It had been going on for a year and finally there was a moment that should be a breaking point, or so I initially thought. So two weeks back and also towards the end of the school year, (we had our finals and barely have school anymore) she decided to ask me for a moment to talk. Well, she barely talked. Only cried. I should mention that she is an emotional girl and perhaps not really good at verbal, personal conversations. I have seen her cry on numerous occasions during college. Not a bad student, though.I thought she was going to confess to me, somewhat hoping that she had become single or something of the sort. Quite the selfish thought. Instead she gave me short note with a thank you for our collaboration and wished me good luck in life. Perhaps that our paths would meet in the future.She gave me a kiss on the cheek and then cried horribly and left. She waved as to indicate a goodbye. It was all a bit of a haze and frankly also weird. I was shocked and stunned because she kissed me on the cheek. She never dared to initiate physical contact so the kiss seemed totally out of character. If I hugged her, however, she seemed to gladly accept my touch.I still have the note, but not a single sign from her. She blocked me on social media, too. Haven't seen her since and I'm still trying to process what the ^^ck happened. I even wanted to contact her but resigned from this idea. Obviously she had her reasons and I think it's not in my right as we aren't as close as for example best friends to just call her.So what did this mean? What did her actions indicate that she would leave me a note and a subtle kiss? then block me and dissappearing? Is it because she feels guilty? Does this action mean that her feelings towards me were legit? Is this her selfish way to have closure, before even giving me the change to reply?And now? What should I do? Just let it go?I'm even getting a little angry. Perhaps I just want to vent, but I would also like to hear your opinions on this matter. Thank you.
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a break, best friend, crush, my ex, teasing Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (4 June 2016):
She may have had feelings for you, or she may simply have realised that you had feelings for her. Honeypie is right here: sooner or later, the right thing to do in that situation is make a choice either to pursue you or to let you go. She did not want to pursue things with you. She was emotional because it was probably hard to do, and because she cared for you, but she did not want what you wanted. Now you have to move on. Accept that she has gone and realise that you are better off knowing where you stand. You don’t have a right to be angry with her, but I think you are probably feeling this way because you feel hurt and rejected. Try and take the positives from this: she realised you were a decent person and deserved to be treated well, and that’s why she rejected you in a kind way and found it emotionally difficult to do so. Realise that you were obviously a good friend to her, and that when you meet the person who wants to take things further as much as you do, these are all qualities they will appreciate in you. As for this girl, don’t try and contact her; put the note away and get on with your life.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 June 2016):
 I think she decided that she HAD to "stop riding the fence" either go after you... or stick with the BF and then cut you out.
She chose option #2.
While she may have really liked you, liked the flirting and fun stuff, she might have figured out that what she was doing is rarely OK in a relationship. It's emotional cheating.
My advice, stop wasting your time on women who have a partner, no matter how cute and how well they flirt. You both may have thought it was "kind of " innocent but really, would you be OK with a GF who flirted like this girl did with you? My guess is no. And ditto for her BF.
Best thing you can do is accept that she isn't an option for you and you are not one for her either. Let it go. And look for women who ARE available in the future. Being angry or bitter will do nothing for you.
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