A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just in the past 6 months, I have gotten rejected by 3 girls, which is all the girls I could man up to ask. One of them was a girl I loved when I was 10 years old. I hadn't seen her in 5.5 years but we started talking randomly and it didn't work. Another was a girl I saw around college. I hardly knew her, I asked for her no, got rejected. Another, my friend. We are good friends. She told me 10 weeks ago that she has no bf. but, when I actually asked her out, she said she has been seeing this new guy. I believe her. I didn't even get a hug off her when we departed college for the summer.Also I have gone to loads of parties. I never seem to get a girl. My friends do. Loads of people always seem to be making out but I am always left alone. I have tried getting drunk, I got very drunk one day, I got very close with 2 girls. Didn't happen.It has nearly happened wen I am not drunk. One day, a girl was all over me. She was dancing with me, her friend pulled her away from me, turns out she has a bf. the next day a girl was all over me, I could have made out with her. But, she was my crush's best friend and my crush was dancing right in front of me. If I actually kissed my crush's best friend I would have lost any chance I had of ever being with my crush in the future, now, she has a bf though.Why am I good enough to be good friend with loads of girls and am not good enough to be dated by one? I mean if I am not likeable, they wouldn't want me as a friend. Also, does that have something to do with my looks. Am I that ugly? Well, I have been told by few girls I look good. That I am cute. I have also been told by my mum "she wouldn't even look at you!", this was in realation to a girl I loved. I had started a convo with my mum, about if I didn't have to move when I was 12 I would have dated this girl. I have also been called ugly by few girls (and probably guys) when I posted my picture in the internet. So, if at least some people say I am good looking, I shouldn't be too ugly, right?I have a good personality too! I am passionate about loads of things and I know how to talk about those things. People do like talking to me I think. I mean there are few girls that I message to every day and they do message back and keep on doing so. Also, when those girls (and loads others) see me out, in a night club or something, they always say hi, wave their hand or come hug me. I also am very smart. It's not me being stupid that girls find repulsive.What am I doing wrong? (I am very short btw, 169 cm, 5 foot 6 inch). How do I step up my game. I went to an all boys school in a different country all my life so I have never had a proper girl friend till I went to college last september. I also have never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl. (I am 18, nearly 19) Is that very weird?Btw, I am not a religious person, so you saying god has plans for me doesn't really make me smile. However as there are 3.5 billion people out there, I am sure there is someone out there for me!Thank you for reading this and answering. I am very grateful and I wish you a great day whereever you are.
View related questions:
best friend, crush, drunk, never had a girlfriend, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012): No bother man, have fun with it. You know that feeling when you wake up after a night out where you think "oh for fuck sake, why didn't I just go for it? She was totally up for it and she was hot" Remember that feeling when you're out next time, that's the feeling you should fear the most.
All the mistakes and embarrassments are actually awesome, they make for great stories and they're part of having lived a good life.
Remember girls get dressed up, dolled up and go out because they want to be chatted up and kissed. Even if they reject you they feel very good that a guy was willing to try, it makes them feel desired, there are really no bad consequences to trying. None at all. It really is what they want. Just give that to them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Cerberus, that is the best answer anyone has ever given me.
You have no idea how much that answer will help me. I am very grateful.
I am also from Ireland, well, I have been living in Ireland for a long long time. I know the term "getting the shift".
What you said is very much correct. I do not go for the kill. I have always has few girls interested in me in night's out. I was thinking about this yesterday and I did realize before u said that I do need to not give a fuck. I know now that I get scared that I will embarrass myself that I do not really go after a girl. I know that now and I will do my best from now on to not let it bother me. I will not get fear get to me.
Thank you again. You are a sound lad!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2012): Sounds to me like you're just not going in for the kill. You start weighing up the consequences and shit and back out.
OP I'm the same height as you and have the same qualities you speak of want to know the difference between me and you? I quite literally do not give a fuck when it comes to getting women. I don't think about how pretty I am, whether they will like me or not, none of that crap. I'm completely single minded in my approach, I see a girl I like, I talk to her, with the intention of getting her, add a little bit of flirting to gauge her interest and manoeuvre myself into a kissing position. I really don't care whether she likes me or not, nor if she's a potential girlfriend, they're irrelevant details that only come into play later on in the dating stage.
OP you see all these guys getting off with girls at parties what do you think was in their mind when they decided to get that girl? Nothing other than I want this girl and I'm going to make moves on her because that's how it works. You have to not care about any of the other irrelevant details.
You should have totally kissed your crushes friend if you found her attractive, it's just a kiss. No girl is going to hold it against you for kissing her friend. Getting the "shift" is just what's done. It's just a regular part of a night out here in Ireland. In fact if you're a good kisser all of them will know that and it will improve your chances a lot. OP you have to remember that girls want a guy who other girls want or have been with, that's quite important.
You need to stop thinking because your mind is always looking for a way that you have or will fuck up. You're too focused on you and not focused enough the girls themselves. You always relate everything about them back onto yourself. That's pointless, you're just doubting yourself for no reason because all that's wrong with you is you're not playing the game right. You care too much too soon and you play the game with fear and girls can smell fear. Because guys with fear either try too hard, give up too soon or they quite visibly stand there thinking about what they just said and what to say next.
Two thing that will get you girls are confidence and desirability. Confidence comes from not thinking about your worth at all just knowing that it doesn't matter what you look like or your personality you can easily get girls if you play your cards right and that's where not giving a fuck comes into play. When you are supremely confident you don't care about rejection because it's not a bad thing at all, you can't win every time and each rejection is a girl to cross off your list, and will help you hone your technique as long as you don't take it personally or as a negative reflection on yourself.
I mean I've said and done some hilariously stupid things that have completely ruined my chances with girls, things like repeatedly forgetting her name even though she just told me it for the third time in the last sentence, telling a girl I was chatting up, that a girl over there is an ignorant bitch because she knocked my drink out of my hand and laughed, only for her to tell me that's her sister, even down to me making a silly comment about not liking models because girls who starve themselves are just weak, yeah that girl was recovering from bulimia and of course I've had tonnes of "I have a boyfriend" and "No thanks, I don't really know you" too.
Look my point is how I dealt with those things was constructive. I now pay attention to girls name and have a way of memorizing it so I don't forget. I know not to complain about about another person or put anyone else down when chatting up either and I never take the ones who are simply not interested personally either, you can't be attractive to everyone.
The key to success is how you take rejection OP, dating is a hunt. Are you going to give up and starve to death just because your arrow missed that deer, sit there and mope at being a failure? Or are you going to get back out there in the knowledge that you have to factor in the wind in your next shot because you objectively factored in what went wrong and adapted your technique to suit?
Stop thinking and just do. Be proud of rejection because it means you tried and think about what went wrong objectively so that you understand what you did wrong. OP dating doesn't come naturally to most of us. I wasn't born with dashingly handsome looks, I'm not rich and my sense of humour is an acquired taste, so I had to work at it and had to keep trying until I got used to it. Seduction is a craft, not an art. It can learned so go out and learn.
...............................
|
