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What advice should I tell my friend about his deployment?

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Question - (30 March 2008) 2 Answers - (Newest, 30 March 2008)
A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I have a friend who's military married to another military, and we mainly keep in touch by email. The other day he send me a note saying he's being deployed soon and that is his third trip in his 4 year marriage and that he'll miss his anniversary for a 2nd time. Now, since I'm single I don't know if it's Ok for him to share this thoughts with me mainly bcuz Idk what to say in order to cheer him up. I think he loves his wife, and this their 2nd marriage for both of them.

The thing is that someone who knows them both say she's very jealous. I only know him and he's my friend, but don't want any trouble and think he wants that either.

What can I tell him?

View related questions: anniversary, jealous, military

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A female reader, Cindy303 United States +, writes (30 March 2008):

Cindy303 agony auntI am not sure why this person is talking to you about something like missing his anniversary once deployment happens. My sister is married to an Air Force Lawyer who was deployed to Iraq before Christmas. They have missed the holidays together, their anniversary and both of their birthdays so far. They have never talked to the family about this, they have talked to each other and tried to figure out how to manage the time apart with things like phone calls, daily emails, webcam conversations and care packages. This man needs to sit down and talk to his wife. Figure out when they can celebrate their anniversary before deployment takes place. When you marry somebody in the military you have to be prepared for things like this. The communication must be open between the husband and wife in order to cope and deal with the time apart. Your friend needs to talk to his spouse and figure this out.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008):

What he's discussing with you, he should be discussing with his wife. A lot of marriages have problems because their spouse are seeking advice from the opposite sex in which they are spending more time with.

I work for the government and have numerous of clients, co workers who are getting ready to be deployed overseas for weeks, months and even years. They miss their children, wives birthday's and anniversary. It's part of being part of the military lives.

I would say if he had discuss it with his wife about how he feels. Maybe they should celebrate their anniversary early before he leaves. It's not easy. Having a discussion and coming to an understanding always helps.

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