A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey! My best friend is 'seeing' a guy. She really likes him but he gives her mixed signals.They have gone on about 10 dates over 2 months. and i think after about 3 dates you know weither you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend and comiit or just stop seeing them. But he is not doing either.I feel for my friend as i was in the same situation a while ago. and it turned out the reason my guy never commited to me was because he was a player and was seeing another girl and probably wasnt that into me. anyway, i don't think my friend's guy is like that but there clearly is a reason for his actions. and i dont want my friend to go on feeling in the lurch.they get on really well but he clearly isnt thinking about her when they are not together as he doesnt contact her for ages. they havnt seen each other in weeks due to his 'busy' life style. i dont buy that! if you really like someone, you always make the effort to contact them because you want to hear from them.last time she asked him what was going on, he apologized and said nothing had changed.she always asks me what she should do, what should i advise her to do?should she tell him its over so she doesnt go on hurting? or should she play it cool and wait for him to talk to her about where its going, because sooner or later, he has to do this, right?
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female
reader, Mimisky  +, writes (5 July 2009):
 He is seeing anoda girl n wants to keep ur friend as his alternative
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2009): It takes much longer than 3 dates to commit to a person ive learned that from experience because i went straight into a relationship after 3dates and didnt kno my ex at all. I found out he wasnt a nice person and he is still harassing me to this day.
I would advise your friend to try and be happy in herself and to make sure she really knows this guy or any guy in the future before even thinking about getting committed. A person always said to me when your with someone they are suppose to be your best friend and i realised i didnt have that. Every person deserves that and thats why its better to get to know people a hell of a lot before giving your heart and commitment to them.
I think she needs to be more adult about the situation because most guys can be immature. It hurts very much when you like someone that much and you dont seem to be getting the same treatment in return. I think your friend deserves much better than to be messed round by a guy.
If she tells him its over it wont stop the pain and hurt because if his reaction isnt what she expects then it could hurt a lot more. However, its better than getting hurt over and over again. If she wants to be with him as in a relationship, she needs to ask him if he wants the same thing.
I honestly think though that she deserves much better than that. Unfortunately until she believes that she is going to put up with it. Just support her as much as you can and she will soon see that hes probably not the right guy for her and that shes worth more.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (28 June 2009):
 It just sounds like your friend is looking for a full-on sort of relationship with a man who is looking for something more casual. I think you know this already from your own experience and you are right - when men are very interested, they make time and make their feelings clear. It is possible that he is just dating your friend until someone else comes along - some people just 'prefer' to be dating someone/anyone than to be single. The fact that she is speaking to you about her relationship problems, rather than the man she is dating is a major problem. I appreciate they have only had a few dates but I would have thought if they had a future in the relationship she should feel comfortable about speaking to him about how she feels. This doesn't have to be all doom and gloom - she either speaks to him directly and gets the relationship she wants, or she moves on and starts dating other men who may offer her what she wants.
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