A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for four years living together for three years. Last year his mother died and his father had major heart surgery. We offered to have his father living with us temporary until he got better although he didn't tell his father this. He's now much better and is driving his car and walking his dog. The problem is he comes everywhere with us. We have no time on our own anymore. Our sex life has deteriorated too because my partner is worried about his dad hearing us. I want him to go but everything has now changed and my partner won't tell him to go. Last week his father said he would commit suicide if he had to live on his own. I feel he's blackmailing us. The problem is if this continues I think my partner and my relationship won't last. What do you think I should do?
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female
reader, boo22 +, writes (23 January 2016):
 Hi
I'd speak to his father directly about this.
He knows he can play his son
Are you going to put up with this nonsense?
You need to bring this out in the open
Stop tiptoeing round him and get it off your chest
I think that would be a positive step
Be firm yet kind
It's a really awkward situation. Take control of your life x
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (23 January 2016):
 I think this is one of those incidents where you can - reasonable - plan to "wait it out"........
Good luck..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2016): You have to be honest with your partner. His dad is not going to commit suicide; that was emotional-blackmail, knowing that his son is very sensitive from losing his mother. He wants someone to take care of him now that she's gone. You probably cook and clean, and now you're his surrogate-wife. Or, live-in maid.
You have to offer your partner a mild ultimatum. His father has to hire himself a private-nurse or companion; or you must get your own place. He cannot intrude on your lives, and use threats of suicide to overrule your decisions. You can't be afraid to state your case, and reclaim your lives; when you see the impact his father's intrusion is making on your relationship. He's not a child, and if he can't take care of himself; then he will have to consider a visiting nurse, or care-taker.
Your partner is dumping this in your lap. Using your guilt against you. Don't allow it. Is he cooking, cleaning, picking up after his father and the dog? Is he running the household for two grown-men? Being a nurse-maid, and housekeeper; while maintaining a job? Now he's afraid of making love to you; because his father will hear? How ridiculous! You're all adults!
Hop to it. Speak-up or move-out.
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