A
male
age
36-40,
Daniel the love doctor
writes:In a continuation to my series of articles on developing "Swagger", I feel it's necessary recap, include, and conclude with these 8 tips. If there's anything additional ladies that you feel is worth mentioning, don't hesitate to add your thoughts in the comments section. Enjoy guys!--------------------------------------------------------1. Someone who will listen. If location is one of the biggest reasons for many successful businesses, then listening is an essential in relationships.Women like to be heard and more importantly they want to be understood. All of the women that I cam across wanted says that a good listener is the #1 quality they look for in a mate.During conversation it's important to do the following to show a woman that you're listening:• - Nod when she speaks-• Give your opinion (only if necessary)By doing what's described above, you're showing that you're actively engaged in the conversation.Here's what you shouldn't do:- Interrupt her while she's talking- Talk about yourself (unless you're responding to her questions).2. Someone who shows respect. Something that's very important to a woman. If you don't believe me just ask Aretha Franklin....she made a whole song about it.Women love when you show some respect to her and the people that you're around. This is especially true when you're on a first date or you're beginning a new relationship with them. So be courteous to everyone, because it can go along way with a woman.3. Someone with a good personality. When choosing a mate, a lot of women prefer personality over looks. That's why you should definitely show her how great of a guy you are even if you're viewed by many women as an attractive man.4. Someone who's confident. There's a thin line between confidence and cockiness. Some guys may not know, while others just don't care. But if you're looking to get or keep a woman, you should understand the difference.5. Someone with a clean appearance. Women love a man who cares about his appearance and know how to maintain good hygiene. Keep your nails short, hair neat, shoes clean, etc. Women do look at every detail. So if you're thinking that you have a nice clean outfit on but your nails are dirty, then you can lose many points for that in her book. Give a lot of consideration to your physical image.6. Someone who can show flattery. Compliment her on her eyes, hair, smile, personality, etc. Tell her how beautiful she looks. This is how you show flattery. Make her feel noticed and important. She will definitely appreciate it.7. Someone who's intelligent. I don't think I need to explain to you guys how intelligence is important to a woman. You don't have to be a modern day Albert Einstein, but you should be able to have an intellectual conversation with her. Being a good decision maker and street smart is also a plus.8. Someone who's romantic. Set up a candlelit dinner, set up a nice warm bubble bath with rose peddles, etc. Be creative. Your partner will appreciate your creativity.
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male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (17 September 2011):
Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi Tennisstar88! Thank you for your comments. You've provided excellent tips coming from a woman's point of view.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (16 September 2011):
 I'll answer this if I were still single..
1. A man who ACTUALLY listens. I find it too often that men only listen to what half of women are saying.
Also, I can't sit there talking with a male who agrees with everything I say. What a boring conversation. If you have an opposing opinion, then speak up!
No inquiring about previous sexual history, that's just rude.
2. Who says chivalry is dead? Women love it when men hold open all doors for them, pull out a woman's chair to seat her before sitting down himself. To make a lasting impression, show a woman some proper courtesy.
Along with that, show some manners. I hate going out with men who devour their meal before the waiter sets it on the table, chews with their mouth gaping open, doesn't wipe their mouth, answers their cell phone during a date, etc.
3. Good personality, absolutely. However every guy I have dated has a great personality but I still get bored with them and end up breaking off the relationship. Give me something that sets you apart from the rest of the guys I've dated. Sure you have a great personality, so did my last boyfriend, what more do you have to offer?
4. Be humble. Show enough confidence so that you don't come across as having insecurities.
Most guys who display cockiness that's just their nature, and they could care less. They won't change that for anyone..they'll need to find a female who can constantly stroke their ego.
5. Personal hygiene should be a no brainer. Dirty fingernails are a major turn-off.
Now if you're used to sporting the scraggly, rough around the edges look and that's how you snagged your date, there's no need to alter your appearance to the clean cut boy next door.
6. I expect the usual 1 compliment per date. That's usually the "You look great." Now, it would be nice if they get personal and specify what exactly looks great..instead of giving me the usual line they say to all the girls they date.
Now if a guy is dropping compliments left and right, I find that to be overkill. It won't earn you extra brownie points.
7. Education. A guy must be furthering his education or finished and hold a degree he is putting to good use. It's senseless to pay for 4 years of college to get a degree you aren't ever going to use. Due to the state of the American economy, that stipulation can be waived.
Be aware of the current events occurring in our world today. Nothing worse than a man who has no idea our troops are still in Iraq and Afghanistan.
8. Creative dates are key to winning a woman over. Dinner and a movie is too played out. Take me on picnic to a nice park, pack gourmet sandwiches, crackers with cheese spread, fruit, club soda, and maybe a bottle of wine. Sit by the pond while feeding our leftover bread to the ducks, admiring the scenery and fresh spring air.
Be yourself (of course). Don't put on this false act, you can only keep it up for so long..then before you know it, your real colors came shining through and you're single again.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (10 September 2011):
Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Janniepeg for your comments. Especially on the listening topic. I appreciate you providing your two cents. :^)
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 September 2011):
 I believe this article is for people who had passed the attraction test and are ready for the next level.
I don't bitch about life. However I can't be happy all the time in a relationship. That's not possible. As a woman I don't talk straight to the point. I go around circles, I brainstorm until I figure out what I am really feeling. It really helps for a man to be patient and be supportive. What a guy needs to know is that a woman is not using them as a emotional punching bag. It's true that female friends can do this amongst themselves without problems and you can say this is what female friends are for, leave me out. But, I want to share secrets, fears and joys of life and only a significant other can do it for me. I feel validated when a man listens to me. When I talk I am not looking for a solution, I am processing my feelings. To stop me from talking is to deny my essence as a woman. A man who wants a woman to be happy would be willing to listen. I am not talking about women who incessantly poison the environment with negative energy here. You won't be in a relationship with her anyway.
I am focusing on point 1 because most men have problems with this. The rest is like common sense. I would say that men want the same things from that list.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (7 September 2011):
Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Odds for your comments. Let me say though that I simply surveyed many, many women, relied on my experience as a relationship coach/matchmaker (in addition to growing up in a household full of women), and talked to a few close female friends about the top 8 things they were looking for in a guy (other than looks). And these things happen to pretty much fall in the same order with each of them. This also is by no means complete in terms of complete guidance. I share more of it through my relationship advice service and books. But this is key, valuable information that can give men a BETTER understanding of what women want.
I would like to say that you do have some very interesting points. And I agree with most of what you're saying but let me clarify and point out a few things if I may...
•Listening. There's a difference between actively listening and just being a sympathetic ear. What's important to note is the type of questions that you ask (which by the way if you’re on a date stay away from talking about religion and politics this can cause a negative conversation). If you ask questions about her tough times, her childhood, how she and her ex-boyfriends broke up (and in reality at some point you would need to know these things… but not early on) then yes ,it’s going to potentially draw tears from her and encourage sympathy. If you're interest pertains to her and your focus is on more positive subjects, then you can gain knowledge about what she likes, what she enjoys, etc. This can help a guy in the future if he’s planning to do something or go somewhere with her. Listening also gives you the opportunity to find common ground. This prevents the possibility of making the conversation sound like a job interview. When you find something that’s mutual, the conversation can flow more easily. When you nod and you genuinely show positive body language, it shows that you care about what she’s talking about.
•Respecting. Women are people as well. Yes. But they’re wired differently than a man. With that being said what we think may not matter to them (or as much)..really does matter. Even the little things, like on a dinner date showing respect to the waiter. It goes along way with a woman. There are too many guys out there that are given the wrong information when it comes to respect. And they believe that women are attracted to jerks. That’s false information. YOU can poll many women and you won’t find many women who like that. Attractive or not. A bad boy, maybe. A jerk, no. Though it’s true you should hold her to some level of respect and expectation as a person, and without being walked on, every guy should study how women think to get a much better insight as to how much respect women want in today’s age.
•A good personality. Part of being exciting is having a good personality. I never met a dull, hard on their luck person with a great personality- let alone have a lot of moments of excitement. Women want someone who’s attractive. Yes. But that only get a person but so far. Many of those guys turn out to be someone they’re “just messing around with” rather than someone who they’re in a long-term relationship with. Personality definitely made the top 5 in the list of 8 when it comes to what women want. It’s such an important factor to them.
•Confidence. Again, there’s a difference between confidence and cockiness. Confidence makes you a good, attractive guy with appeal. Cockiness (and a man who’s full of himself) makes you jerk. No matter how funny or exciting you may be, it can potentially be a turn off and deal breaker when it comes to meeting/dating women.
•Compliments. When you meet a woman, it’s VERY important to compliment her. I’m not talking about one-liners or pick up lines. I’m talking about genuine compliments. This opens the door for communication… as long as you follow up on it. When it comes to a dating relationship or a long-term relationship, it’s still important to give compliments. Women love to hear good things (as you can tell from your dating story about the lady in a skirt). If they’re wearing high heels, it’s not because they love how their feet feel at the end of the night, it’s how they look in them. And more often than not, they’re wearing it for you. The same goes for their clothes and overall look. And just know that EVERYONE loves flattery (well …maybe not your friend’s wife :^) ). *You can turn a person day completely around if they’re feeling sad/bad and make them happy…jut by giving a compliment. This has such a powerful effect.
•Being smart. Being able to hold an intellectual conversation (to alot of women) is just as important as having confidence. A woman doesn’t want a guy who’s dumb as nails. But they also don’t want a bragger, a guy that uses his intelligence to demean or belittle a person, or someone who chooses to use big words just for the sake of looking smart. There’s a time a place for everything… including talking about certain topics or using certain words.
•Being romantic. I agree with most of what was said here. And yes you should be strategic- because before making it into a relationship, it’s like a game. A numbers game to meet women, and a dating game to keep a woman. But this why it’s important to know women. The choice of flowers only work when a guy knows how to use them. A bouquet of roses may be overwhelming, and a yellow/lily flower may represent friendship. So he should know what he’s doing before he makes ANY type of what he thinks is a sure romantic gesture. He should think about every action that he plans to do- and pay close attention to her reaction. The guy should definitely choose carefully what he chooses to do to be romantic. It has to be the right setting, the right person, and the right time for romantic moments to occur.
But again, I thank you for your words on this subject. And I welcome any additional comments from any other male or female that would like to give their two cents.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (7 September 2011):
 There's just so much missing from this. All of these points are ones that plenty of romantically unsuccessful guys do all the time, and know they're supposed to do - because they're doing it wrong. The details are too important to leave out here.
The key takeaway is that many of these are like being a man who does his share of the housework - most women like a man who does that, but no woman has ever been turned on by it.
1. Listen, sure. But just being a sympathetic ear isn't enough. Most guys have gone through the experience of being the shoulder to cry on while a girl complains about the latest guy to cheat on her. It's fine online, but never something one should do in real life. A man should be prepared to draw the line and politely explain that there are certain things he just will not listen to. Further, simply nodding and asking questions is not enough. Every girl has been on a hundred dates that ended up sounding like job interviews because all the guy did was ask her the same questions about her life while nodding and looking interested. It doesn't make an impression.
Instead, be an active participant in the conversation. Relate what she says to your own experiences, share them, and *then* ask her for more input. Take the opportunity to build yourself up - when you listen to her, she should feel like she's trying to impress the discerning man in front of her, not like she's just chattering at some guy so desperate he'll smile and nod through anything.
Nearly all women like being listened to, but very few have been *turned on* by a guy merely for his listening skills. You have to be an active, interesting conversationalist.
2. Again, there are tons of involuntarily celibate guys out there showing all the respect in the world to women. Be respectful, sure, but it's far more important to be worthy of respect. If you're an attractive enough guy, you can get away with a complete lack of respect. I'm convinced most women, given the choice between a man who makes them melt with attraction and a man who is respectful, would choose the former. Again, women like being respected, but no woman has ever been *turned on* by respect alone.
It's far, far more important to be worthy of respect, than to show it yourself. Far too many guys think of "respect" as showing deference and putting every woman on a pedestal, and if that's you, you're better of being disrespectful. Real respect is treating a woman like an adult, and part of that means holding her to certain expectations about her behavior and attitude - but while that's the ideal, to the unpracticed it can come off as having a stick up your ass, in which case you would be better off cutting loose and saying whatever is on your mind.
I believe all people (men and women) are worthy of some basic level of respect, I just don't believe it necessarily gets the results (in terms of attraction) that guys want.
3. Plenty of involuntarily celibate guys have great personalities, especially if we leave that term undefined. Try this: be exciting. That's really it. However you do it (sports, jokes, stories about traveling the world), if you're fun to be around, there's little need for the typical marks of a good personality like reliability or deep care for those around you. Just be more exciting than the next guy.
4. Confidence, cockiness, they both work fine if you're funny or exciting enough. I prefer subdued, quiet confidence myself, but then I'm a relationship guy - all the player-types seem to get by fine with cockiness.
Whichever a guy goes with, what matters is what confidence means - acting without hesitation to get what you desire, whether it's a girl's attention, a promotion, or the best spot at the bar. Put aside fear and hesitation and *act* with assertiveness, and when you fail, shrug it off like nothing.
5. Nothing to argue with here unless you're meeting people at a metal concert (moshpits will do a number on your clothes).
6. This is one I really disagree with, rather than seeing as just lacking specifics. Compliments are a form of currency, and should be treated as such - they are devalued by overuse, particularly when unwarranted. Plenty of guys go celibate giving heartfelt compliments too often. I'm pretty sparing with them, but as a result, when I tell a woman she looks stunning, her face always lights up like a kid at Christmas. One of my oldest friends tells his wife she's beautiful several times a day, and I never even see her react to it.
Compliments should be heartfelt, uncommon, and above all, unpredictable. Another example - I remember a date from a few years back where I had known the girl for a while, and she never wore skirts. She wore one this time, which she knows I like, and I could tell she was trying to subtly show it off. I bit my tongue and went about the date, until about three-fourths of the way in, when the moment seemed right and I whispered to her, "By the way, you look incredible in that skirt." She did not see it coming, and she knew how rarely I complimented anyone - and she melted for it.
7. I've known many women to enjoy intellectual conversation, but I've known very few who become more interested in a guy romantically for it if they weren't already (the ones who did got asked out if I was single at the time). For the most part, though, chicks seem to prefer intelligence in the abstract - as in, they know their man is very smart (and uses those smarts to be very successful in his chosen career), but he never does or says anything significantly above average (mentioning even a passing interest in the large hadron collider seems to turn most women off). This one has many exceptions, but I'm still willing to make that generalization.
8. Again, plenty of celibate guys out there who would love to do something romantic. And I'll agree, this stuff works - but *only* after you've already got an established relationship with a woman. Over-the-top romantic gestures during the early parts of meeting and dating a woman will creep her out, to the dismay of many young men who wanted to bring flowers to the first date. Romantic gestures are like compliments, only moreso - they are currency, one which should be spent very carefully and strategically.
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