A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Here's my story...I met this guy 10 years ago and had this childish crush on him which he wasnt even aware of...we lost touch and ten years later our paths cross again but this time he has a girlfriend so clearly there's nuthin there, so we become friends. Only probem is that in our friendship we became close and shared the occasional kiss but never once had sex. Now i moved to a different country and we still keep in touch. Couple of months after I left the country I got the news that his girlfriend had died in a car accident that they had been involved in, he was driving. Months have passed and we still talk but never about the accident. Obviously my feelings for him are still there but I dont want to be selfish and start something with him knowing that he is still grieving but I'm human and there's always that glitter of hope in my heart that cant seem to go away. To make it worse I'm not even sure if he really feels something for me or is just going with the flow of things. When he doesnt call me I get all frustrated, like a typical girlfriend, which I'm not! I just don't know what to do...I'm so confused and since I'm not sure about how he feels about me I have tried so hard to hide how I feel for him. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx I guess deep down I knew what I had to do but just needed someone to tell it to me plain and simple...thanx alot...will keep y'all posted
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2007): Sweety, my heart goes out to your friend who lost his gf in this tragic car accident. I can imagine the wounds are raw and remember, everyone grieves in their own time. Now you say, you don't know what to do. I will tell you what you need to do. Support him as good friend..nothing more. And don't wait around and wait for him to call you. You are not his gf--plain and simple. You are a friend. And also, realize he's just been through hell and he might not get through this for a long period of time. I suggest you get out there and live! Distract yourself and pursue fun activities and hobbies, go places, be with friends and family...keep your own life happy, bright, positive. You really need to primarily focus on the life you want to live, not on having him living that life with you.. He's not ready for that. So stop short circuiting you life path. If he decides to date you at a later time when he's done his grieving, he’ll want you to be this amazing, independant, happy, vibrant woman you are attaining to be. And...please dear, don't be 'a friend to him with your own agenda' in mind..that is self-serving and heartless. And he's certainly been through enough, hasn't he? Be a kind, dear friend to him 'without the expectations of dating him. He doesn't need that pressure. Good luck dear and take care.
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (4 April 2007):
 Give him a little while to get over his loss, and continue to be supportive. I lost a fiancée (drowned) when I was in my mid 20's and it was about half a year before I could look at another woman. When I did, it was someone who had been close to me before.
Be there for him. Be supportive. When the time comes, he'll probably start to look around, and if you're there then, he may well start thinking of you differently. That's what I did.
Oh, it didn't work out, between my old friend and me. She broke up with me after a few months of dating and I went on to eventually marry someone new. But at least we both had the experience of getting together.
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