A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I JUST broke up with my boyfriend of 5 months.I'm a little happy to have my freedom back, but he treated me so badly. He's drunk every night and said that he thinks I don't love him and such. But he went away last week on vacation with his family. I. Asked him to text me once a day so I know he's ok, and he didn't. This is what he said to justify that, "I needed it. The freedom. The lack of someone yelling at me. The feeling of finally being happy." after those kind words I gave him his freedom back. But how do I cope?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do trust him. But it wasn't fair I trusted him, and he said to my face that he didn't trust me. Which hurt. Whenever I went out to a place where there were a lot of guys, like car shows, he asked me to text him when I was there. I respected that, so I did, and I might've not replied every minute, but I did when I could. So I don't see how the same expectations can't be extended for me to ask the same.
Oh. I forgot to mention what got this whole thing really started. I wasn't too too mad about him not texting at the festival. I was pretty frustrated, but when he got home he didn't text me. I asked why he wasn't talking to me, and he admitted he was drunk, I asked why, and he got so defensive, and just started yelling at me. But he said, FLAT out, that he chooses alcohol over me. And he enjoyed his freedom at the festival, blah blah blah.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 August 2012):
 As a woman with a man who drinks and smokes daily, I can tell you that if a woman crawled into his lap and offered him sex drugs and rock and roll free of charge, even in his high and drunk state he would easily say NO....
just because a person is drunk or high does not mean their morals or values are shot to hell... just that they are more likely to do what they believe already.
I know women go after my guy... I don't care about them because I trust HIM totally. Even totally drunk, I know he would not do anything with anyone else... our commitment to each other and making our relationship work tells me that.
Saying you trust him but not them, gives him an out for you to forgive him his "drunken escapades"
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 August 2012):
 Here is the thing about trust... You can't say you trust your man, but not the girls around him.. Because those girls aren't going to drug and rape him (to put it bluntly) if anything happens it's by choice HIS choice. So either.. you trust him or you don't. And since he's given you reason in the past NOT too, it might be a while before you can even begin to trust again.
If a guy is trustworthy and faithful he can be surrounded by oodles of Victoria Secret models and not cheat.
However, if he CHOOSES to cheat, to stray - texting you every day is not going to stop him, know what I mean? He should WANT to call/text you, not be TOLD to call/text..
I don't think you lost out on a great guy however, he seems a little... douchy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Honeypie;
I should've mentioned that the vacation was a music festival and there were TONS of drunk and stoned girls there. He had admitted to hooking up with those girls before at the festival... I was super worried. I trusted him, but not the girls. Plus he admitted to smoking weed with them and getting drunk with them. I was heartbroken, so then I ended it. But that's why I wanted him to text me. Not to be controlling, but to know everything is ok.
@blonde30s;
Ok, thank you so much!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 August 2012):
Honestly, you need to figure out why you even miss the creep.
How do you deal with it? You accept that YOU did the right thing. You dumped his sorry ass. YOU didn't sit idly by while he plainly ignored and disrespected your wishes.
*** Though I want to say this, I don't see why he would HAVE to check in via text EVERY day he was home visiting his family, you knew where he was. Granted it would be NICE if he on his own volition would call here and there and see how YOU are doing, but being told (like a child) to text every days seems... controlling on your behalf.. Pardon me for saying.****
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