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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hello,I'm in need of some help. I have been with a wonderful guy for 6 months and when we started off we saw each other as much as we could and fell in love, problem is i have a job that requires me to work different shift patterns and now id be lucky to see him once or twice a week, usually on a monday, stop the night then go home tuesday morning. now we would constantly text throughout the week getting excited about seeing each other but then my mood swings would ruin things, i would send him a really nice text and when i finally got a reply it would just say something like that was nice thanks hope your ok x Now I should be happy that I got a reply but because I didnt get a reply saying what I wanted it to say I had a go at him.... problem is this happened quite a lot, either it didnt say what I wanted or I didn't get a reply at all but he tried his best to calm me down and snap me out of my mood which I never knew when to give up lol.I have a tendancy to look at his facebook page and on saturday i finished work at 8am and text him, half 10 I got a reply we sent a few more then that was it, I went to sleep. Now I woke up about 6pm checked my phone hoping I had a text off him something to make me smile when I woke up as he normally was sweet like that but there was nothing. I went on facebook and saw he had been commenting on a staus about getting him some stuff (weed) I text him saying hey took a while for him to reply so I kicked off again. In the end he wrote on my facebook page that I was kicking off over nothing there was no need all because he didn't say what I wanted I was pathetic. He then commented on one of my status. It pissed me off as it felt like he was trying to make me look bad even though i know what he was saying ws right so anyway I wrote back saying getting weed while he has his son is more important. i knew it was wrong and deleted it 5mins aftre only problem is he went mad. said i was out of order should never have said that if his ex or anyone saw it then it could ruin his time with his son etc. he text me sayin it was over he couldnt put up with my moods anymore, he couldnt believe i would risk him losing seeing his son by saying soething like that. basically he wants nothing to do with me.I tried saying sorry I know I was wrong, I just cant help myself. He says he still cares about me and that I need to sort my head out or else I will never be happy with anyoneI love him and want him back but how??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): hey lola,
thanks for the advice you are so right. he also tells me the same... i know what i am doing is wrong but yet i stll do it again. only problem is i dont know why i do or how to stop???
your right about keeping the arguments private, in the past if he would piss me off i would straight away update my status to something to do with it knowing he would see it and it would annoy him then when i didnt get a reply i would keep on changing it till i got a reaction from him. he would always have a go saying not to put stuff on there but i wouldnt listen. then i stopped doing it but then when he wrote what he did telling everyone what i was like it pissed me off because he had told me so many times not too and i stopped then he went and done it so thats why i said what i did. i have deleted my account now to stop me putting things, he knows about it but doesnt care said i should have thought about that before.
he has alot going on in his life at the mo and i dont ever think about that at the time i just think of myself i guess and i know its wrong.
:( what do i do x
A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (22 September 2009):
 You could start by "sorting out your head." Your insecurity and neediness drive this boyfriend away. You understand you are wrong and then repeat or escalate the behaviour.
You can say to him, "Listen, I was wrong. You are right and I have been over-reacting a lot; allowing my insecurities and need for regular affirmation from you on my schedule and it was an unfair burden to put on you. I made things worse with my insensitive FaceBook comments. I would love a second chance. I believe I can control these urges."
And if he chooses NOT to allow the second chance, be prepared to live with it.
In the future, before you react irrationally, walk away from the computer or phone. Exercise discipline. If you MUST respond, do not allow yourself to do so until you've had at least an hour to calm down and think things through.
And keep your arguments PRIVATE! NO more venting in a public (this includes Facebook)! This is a golden rule more people should adopt. It is classier and when you say something to someone calmly and in private, you tend to get a better response than when all their friends and yours are witnesses.
At 22 - 25 years old, you are too big to have a temper tantrum because your boyfriend is not always petting your fragile ego or dropping everything going on in his life to respond to your texts.
It will take discipline, but you are capable of making this improvement. A good way to enforce it is to have more interesting things going on in your own life. Keep busy.
Good luck. I hope everything works out for you.
:-)
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