A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, this is probably going to sound ridiculous but I'll give it a shot. I'm really confused about my feelings for the man in my life. i know that infatuation and wild romances are temporary things and that being in love with someone is something that lasts even when all that has passed. but when you've been in a relationship for a couple of years or more, is it normal to stop being, well "wildly in love" with your partner and see them more as a best friend. is it normal to be with them and not want to be with anyone else, but not to find them as physically attractive as the start of the relationship? or is it the case that a lot of rows and problems between me and my boyfriend have caused me to view him differently? the reason i'm asking is because i have been with my boyfriend for two and a half years now, and it's been a very good relationship. we've had amazing times. the only problem is we've been long distance for ages, and i think we've grown apart to an extent. he is my best friend and i love him, but i have recently developed feelings for another of my friends, and i haven't felt like that about my bf in a long time. when i'm with this other friend, i guess i feel how i used to feel when i started dating my bf. i wouldn't cheat, and i'm not even considering starting anything up with the friend in question. all i really want to know is, is it normal to feel like this or is it a sign that something's wrong? i thought it might be a phase that i'm going through, or a part of being young and wanting to be in a whirlwind romance rather than a day to day relationship. i don't want to make a big mistake, but i also don't want to stay in a relationship if i really have outgrown it. Any advice would be very much appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): Thank you so much guys. You've made me feel much better about this whole situation. I'm sure your right and the best thing to do is try and do new things with my boyfriend. I love him and I wouldn't want to lose him, even if things aren't as exciting as they used to be. I won't dwell on any feelings for my friend any more, you're right i should be focusing on my relationship. Hope everything works out and if it doesn't in the end I will have tried my best. Thank you! x
A
female
reader, flower1 +, writes (22 January 2008):
Hi,
I went through feeling like this with my boyfriend. I spoke to some of my friends at the time and they thought it was just what happens after the first few very exciting months/years. its good that you feel so close to your boyfriend. i would definately say mine is my best friend. As for your feelings towards this other friend, I would wait and see how you feel. It might be best to start doing something new and exciting with your current boyfriend to try to get some excitement back, before you look elsewhere if you are truely happy with him. Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): Sounds like you'll just continue a cycle IF you were to get involved with this new guy (i.e. 2 years down the line you may well feel the same way you do now about your current guy). Sounds like you want more passion - I don't think passion dies after 2 and half years! Of course, some of the frenzied excitement of first dating might do. Being friends isn't going to keep you two together in the long-term. You both need to seriously address how you see the future and each other, how you feel etc.
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