A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My partner of 7 years left me when our youngest child was 6 weeks old. He left me for someone else although he swears he never cheated before he left. They broke up 3 months later and I had met someone else and fell pregnant but lost the baby. He came back and I felt angry at him and made him leave again. I moved on and accepted that we would never be together again. He met someone else and moved on. 6 years later we got back together. We have been back together 2 and a half years but i still find it hard to trust in him. He wants to marry me and we love each other. Its just hard dealing with the past some times. any advice please anyone?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): For trust to grow and stay intact, you have to believe in him and that his character and behaviors have changed for the better. The two factors, should match and be consistent over a significant period of time. Has he proven his trust in the past 2 years, while you have been with him? If over two years he has proven himself trustworthy, and you are still having difficulty, then you were hurt badly and I understand how hard it can be to forget. ...and I am sorry. Sometimes when we are suspicious or can't trust every thing our partner does, the relationship never really has a chance to grow. I think a lot of people can relate to your feelings, dear. It does take a lot of work to rebuild it but if he's been true to you, in every aspect of his behaviors--perhaps in time, you can trust him. There is no timeframe..just try hard to think about 'how' he has behaved , recently, since the both of you have gotten together. Try to be strong and put the turmoil of what happened so many years ago, at rest for good. People mature, they can and will change for the better. Go slow and take your time. It will come, if he's earning it back. If you find it hard..please think about talking to a relationship counselor. They can put much more into perspective for you.
A
female
reader, elsie  +, writes (23 April 2007):
 you have been through a hell of a time.theres probably been several times when youve needed counselling and help.i can identify with you to some extent.my ex cheated on me when i was pregnant.although he says he didnt cheat on you BEFORE he left the fact that he left you for someone else means in a different way he DID.it doesnt have to be the obvious way i.e. sleeping with someone to qualify as cheating.if he was seeing this women during your relationship and it was purely emotional then i think that in itself is cheating.as you said he left you for her?who have YOU had to lean on during all of this?you need to focus on some peace time for you and your child.by all means talk.you need to focus on whats inside you and come to terms with what he did.you have been in such a whirlwind that you havent taken stock.you kind off put a block on him when you couldnt have him back before and really you had closure then albeit not deep down in your heart.seeing and being with him and getting closer to giving yourself completely and marrying him is opening up the floodgates of the old pain.its all reminding you of what he did before and because you didnt have counselling etc it has reopened the wound.you have every right to feel the way you do.has he been there for you in always?he left you with a small child and you may still be grieving for a time when you should have been so happy.i know because i felt nothing but bitterness and hatred towards my boys dad when he cheated on me and it spoilet what should have been a lovely time.you never get that back and i couldnt forgive him for that.i chose to leave and he now sees him every two wks.everyone is different but please dont enter into a marriage before you have dealt with your pain.good luck.
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