A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend is wonderful but when I starded my relation with him i found that he was inside of a lot of kinky sex datings sites (he said it was part of his past)suddenly he has some strange behavoir (i am sure he doesnt have time for see anybody else) but i found a lot of dating sites on the pc history, he doesnt want more sex with me (he said he is too tired) and all these make me feel fear because we want to get married soon and it makes me feel insecure, i know maybe i am just paranoid but also the doubts are killing me and i am worry, i love him with all my heart but he doesnt tell me anything, he doesn acept it and said is just my idea...what can i do?
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female
reader, candy00s +, writes (28 May 2007):
 Talk to him and make sure that it is the right decision for you to be getting married.
It could be a part of his past...but he should be 100% commited to you and not considering chatting or looking at other woman on the internet for whatever reason.
A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (28 May 2007):
 Part of being married to someone is satisfying their needs. Do not get locked into a marraige where you can never be wholly satisfied!! :)
DV1
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A
female
reader, Melanne +, writes (28 May 2007):
 Hi I can understand your fears and worries. Espescially since your due to be married to him soon. What I will say is that you need to be 110% certain that he's the right man for you and at the moment it doesn't sound like you are. I know you love him and I don't blame you for being worried about the sites your fiance is looking at if it were my husband I would feel worried too.
I don't think your being paranoid at all. Your partner is looking at these sites and doesn't seem to be interested in you sexually yet he wants to get married to you. There seems to be a lot of confusion there. I'm also wondering if perhaps your partner has some mental health problems that's causing him to be like this. I would definately advise you to go and see a couples counsellor together. If he's not willing to do this then perhaps you could see a counsellor alone? You also need to speak to him clearly about this and tell him why this makes you so worried.
Be honest with him and tell him the way it makes you feel. Getting married is a huge step and also a life time commitment if you don't feel like you can commit to this because of the worries you have over your partner then you need to do something now rather than later when you will feel more trapped by the marriage. If things are not good now then I'm sorry, but they won't be better when your married.
I understand you love him he's the man you want to marry, but you've got to think about yourself here. If things don't feel right now then you need to do something so you feel better. That insecurity isn't there without reason. The history of websites on your partners computer indicates he's been doing this for a long time and it might have become an addiction. You really do need to speak with your partner indicating why his behaviour is making you feel so bad and suggest that you go for counselling. If your partner won't go for counselling together see if you can both go seperately.
I hope that this helps. Please seek help before your married otherwise it could end up your in a worse situation than you are now. All the best to you.
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