A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Recently (start of January), me (21) and my girlfriend (19) of 2 years, broke up. Her accord - wanted space, to be alone, had secret feelings for someone else. Through a long and hard month of being distraught, finding truths behind so many of her lies - I discovered that, although she had been single throughout the January month, she had been fooling around and having intercourse with this other guy. When I found out, it hurt me a lot - how she could move on so fast. They continue to be friends with benefits on a small scale - and I'm pretty sure she's fooling around with some others too (but could very well be wrong). She didn't intend to hurt me, but it happened. It was kept secret from me to spare my feelings, but I was too smart and invasive. Anyways, every time she comes over to grab more of her stuff, or post or something, we end up sitting down and chatting - just as close friends, I guess. But then we started flirting. Kissing, making out. Never went as far as intercourse - but we've both shared that we're hurting, we miss each other, and she's already admitted it was her mistake leaving me. But every time we have these incredible encounters, I feel like I'm being strung along (because of other guys she messes around with) - like it's happening, but it won't go any further. It's frustrating, because why should we both deprive ourselves of what our hearts want so-to-speak? I don't understand, and kind of need advice on how to act, what to say - I don't know where I stand!I really
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012): As you are good friends I see no harm in letting her know that you know about these others, and asking her why, if she made a mistake in leaving you, she is seeing them. If this was a bit clearer you may understand each other better.
As you are the one who posted the problem, it's hard to know your part in this. ~If she split with you maybe she wasn't getting enough attention or something like that. You will never know her perspective unless you ask and explore the reasons you split and the reasons she thinks this was a mistake.
A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (4 February 2012):
You do know where you stand though. You need to do exactly what she does and spread your wings. I am not sure if the reason for her secrets was to avoid hurting you. I think it was to do with wanting to leaving her options open in case she wants to get back. Just give her all her things back without talking otherwise you will take a long time to heal. Enjoy your life without her, because you never will with her.
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