| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I don't know what to do. I had been for my boyfriend for little over 3 years and a half. Of course, we believed we were soulmates. He was my first boyfriend, first love, etc., and he had plans to marry me next year. But of course it wasn't as rosey as it seems.For three years we've had problems due to his jealousy and mistrust. Why? Due to my past. We've broken up countless times. Not once, or three or 4 times, countless times. I used to cry a lot before if he broke up with me, and I'd feel suffocated without him, even though he was a very limitating boyfriend (in the sense that I couldn't do things freely 'cause of his lack of trust).I however, felt madly in love with him despite that and still wanted to marry him. But for a little over three weeks, I've felt distant from him, I don't know, I think it's because I'm depressed in general (I also lost my sex drive completely and feel demotivated all the time), but I no longer feel in love with him. Maybe I'm worn out with all the arguing. Anyway, I told him about it a week ago or so, and he was so sorry and sad and told me that despite everything, he wanted to make it work with me, that he loves me, etc, etc. So he said he's try to not get as angry and everything. Still, though I enjoy his company I didn't feel in love with him. But yesterday he got upset, really upset again, about my past. I told him that if he broke up with me again, it'd be for good because I was tired of the nonsense. Why break up to late make up anyway? And he said "Fine by me, don't bother me ever again". But we've been here before. He has said the exact same thing. He always comes back and tells me he's sorry, etc, etc. But this time, I don't want him back.I don't want to be cruel to him, and I don't want him to suffer. What do I do if he comes back? On the other hand, did I really just from one day to another stop loving him, just like that? How is that even possible? It's like a switch was turned off. Does that mean I never really loved him? I feel some sort of entanglement with him 'cause nobody else hasever understood me like him, but then again, sometimes I no longer feel like wanting to be his girlfriend. I don't know, I also feel like a dissapointment because he was so sure we'd get married, and now well, I don't really want to. I'm very confused. What if this is a mistake, what if losing him is the worst thing in my life? I feel so guilty that for some reason, more than sad I feel relieved. Does that make me a bitch? I don't understand myself. I want certainty. But above all, I don't want him to suffer over me. I feel like I wasted his time, and I don't want to be THAT girl. I don't know what to do now. I don't even know if he'll want me back. I don't want to hurt him, what if he wants me back, what do I say in order not to hurt him?
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broke up, depressed, jealous, sex drive, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2010): i completely understand your situation, however i felt sorry for my bf and got back together with him.
another year on and let me tell you he has not changed. now i feel trapped. i should have got out when i did and just never looked back. he trusts me LESS although i have never done anything to betray him. he restricts me MORE.
you should not have to live like that.
A
female
reader, raiders  +, writes (17 April 2010):
 Why do you think breaking up could be a mistake, congratulation on your new found freedom. Enjoy yourself don't go back to him people don't change with a marriage certificate they continue being the same. Why would you want to be with a jealous, insecure, and possessive person. Imagine your life every single day with him, if you go back and eventually marry him you will be setting your self up to live in a nice golden cage.
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A
female
reader, AslPlz +, writes (16 April 2010):
Me and my boyfriend always try to meet each other half way.
I used to break up with him alot, and then we would get together. However this time I broke up with him, he told me that if i broke up with him this time, it would be for good, and then gave me a day to think about it.I really thought about it, and then talked to him about the incident... it turned out to be a misunderstanding. Basically I promised him that from now on, I won't view a break up as a solution to our problems. I have kept that promise.
I think he shouldn't always be breaking up with you, and if you tell him this is final, then you should stick with it.
I trust my boyfriend, and he trusts me completely. We have downfalls sometimes, like he can forget something... But I do realize this. You boyfriend shouldn't mistrust you, especially if you guys have being together that long... unless you cheated on him or something. Trust is very essential to a relationship.
If he really matters to you and you to him, then he should be making effort too.
There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. You cannot control your emotions and shouldn't have to with a person that is to close to you.
Try to figure out if your relationship is healthy, and then base your decision off of that.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (16 April 2010):
 Sometimes after people are shitty to you for long enough and hurt you long enough, you have to not be the nice person, and leave them to preserve yourself.
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A
female
reader, alyssadiane21 +, writes (16 April 2010):
 WELL sometime the truth hurts. you would only be putting yourself n him in more hurt if you didnt love him and just stayed with him so you wouldnt hurt him. that would be considered leading him on...If you did/still do love him and you feel like you wont last let him go. Theres so much more to a relationship then just being with the person to make them happy.
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