A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HiI apologize for this question being so long in advance.I met my bf last year septemeber,he got my number and called me,at this time he had a gf which i knew about. She lived in another town, so he only saw her on Sarutday nights.We rarely saw each other because my parents were unaware of out communcation.He always told me that he was going to leave but it would take some time as he didnt want to hurt her.She was not reallt interested in their relationship and she was always in another town.On his birthday, she was in another town and i spent his birtday with him.That month (January) he broke up with.On new years eve, he was meant to meet me at the club but never came, then i found out that he was with another girl(not his gf) but they did nothing, they only talked (as per him).In March my parents allowed him to come home and see me. All this time he kept telling me that he really loved me and that i was the one that he wanted to marry.He said i was the first girl that he so eagerly wants to marry.In June he told my parents he would like to marry me but they said that we should wait a while as i am only 19 and he is 30.In the same month, i found out that he was texting the same girl he was with on New Years Eve night, he told me that she asked him if he really loved me and he replied saying yes. I broke up with him as i felt he betrayed me once again. He then said he was sorry and i took him back.In July, he was texting a different girl, i read the texts and i would exactly say there was anything between him and this person because it was normal texts,However when i asked him, he lied that it was a boy and not a girl. He later told me the truth and said the only reason he lied was because he knew i would make it a big thing. He apologized and i took him back.In August, his ex tried to contact him and i found out, he then told her (infront of me)on the phone that she shouldnt contact him as it was causing a problem, in his relationship. Everything went well afer that but i am unsure whether he feels that he can do antything and i would always be there.Do you think that i have made a mistake by accepting everything he has done to me? After breaking up and making up, i dont know if he is even going to take me serious with what i say. Please help, I dont know whether those were mistakes that he regrets and wont do again, or if he would continue to do his sideline tricks because he knows that i have accepted it before?Should i wait and if he reallt has changed or is it just a matter of time before he does somenthing again?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): Hello I was in a situation like yours. I absolutely worshipped the guy and he knew it, he played the commitment card, the moving in with me card and even mentioned marriage. I was so bowled over by this..and felt on top of the world. Well our relationship was always a bit of a rollercoaster and when we had our 'give me some space' periods initiated by him (because I was clingy so he said) at drop of a hat he was off meeting other girls. I did suspect this and finally found evidence on his cell to prove that he wasn't cheating on me with one woman but many...it sucked. After talking things through he told me last xmas I was the only one for him and suggested getting engaged, but guess what he was still fooling around. You are letting this guy have his cake and eat it, he is selfish and not worthy of the love you are bestowing on him. You have shown him that you're an easy touch and want to be with him no matter what he does. I think you must tread very carefully here and not even consider any commitment with this guy at all. You marry him, a few years down the line with a couple of kids in tow, how will you feel about him cheating then? Do what I did and stay well away, I know how hard it is, but you will be grateful for it in the future...Please respect your feelings first and find a genuine guy who respects your feelings too.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (28 September 2007):
 If you do this remember you deserve to be treated with respect, and not be hurt. Lay down the law. Let him know this is it, slip up and say goodbye. There is always a chance for people to turn around and act different, I don't guarantee it, but there's a chance. I wish you luck in this and hope it works out for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi
Thanks rcn. I hung onto this relationship because we fought so hard to be together. Nobody wanted us to be together and we were determined to prove evryone wrong. He has said to me that he has stopped all his wrong doings because he wants to get back on the right track and get our relationship back to where it was. I really love this guy. We have come a long way in our realtionship, he has told his parents that he wants to marry me. In December he wants to get engaged, whenever i tell him that he isnt seriuos about this realtionship coz if he was he wouldnt have done those things which he knew would hurt me, he says that if he never really loved me he wouldnt want to marry me or get engaged in December.You are a guy( from you picture) what do you think he is up to? Do you think he really regrets what he has done and is he serious about me? Am i just another girl and is it just a matter of time?
Thanx for your gr8 advice
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): people dont change for the most part. you cant expect him to change either. move on.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (27 September 2007):
you teach people how to treat you. you set boundaries as to how that treatment will be. with this guy they have been real loose boundaries. there were just talking. that's almost as bad as our president saying on national tv that getting a blow job is not considered to be sex. right.
he's walking all over you and taking advantage of you taking him back time and time and time again. you're the one who has the power to stop this behavior. when did you start believing you weren't worth having a good relationship and taking this kind of treatment. this behavior he's displaying is wrong period. there is no reason for it. he is playing you like an old fiddle. waiting for him to do something is up to you. if he does, dump him quickly and don't look back. find someone who wants to be with you and who really loves every moment he gets to spend with you. when he's not around you he's counting the seconds until he gets to see you again. you need to be appreciated, valued, and loved, not treated like a mat that he can just brush the dust off his feet then off to the next one.
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