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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I are trying to have a baby. We have been trying for over a year now. I am looking for tips on how to conceive easier. Positions, times etc...without using any fertility clinics? Can anyone help?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): If you are actually not getting married because of the financial reasons then maybe your assertion is valid. But a lot of people hide behind that excuse when one or both of the partners are simply "not ready" for marriage. A marriage doesn't have to cost $30,000 just to avoid being a midnight Las Vegas paper-signing session. There is such a thing as a small wedding.
It just seems to me that you're compromising the start of a child's life around setting up a party (wedding) for you & your friends & family. Maybe it's a big deal to be a "bastard" and maybe it isn't, but the fact is that you child will be technically wearing that status for his/her whole life so that you can have your wedding (a big overpriced party) more conveniently. Is that the kind of mindset that has the child's best interests in mind? Maybe you don't care about this kind of stuff, but that doesn't mean it won't someday bother the child.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat does marriage mean today, two people taking a vow to love and honor each other...If it means so much to do this why is it there are so many divorces and annulments? We can get married today have a child and a couple years later get divorced. Marriage is a money grab for the system. If it actually meant what it used to mean to couples there would be NO SUCH THING as DIVORCE. Like I said its a piece of paper you can sign it and you can also turn around and rip it up later. You dont need to be married to have a family. I would love to get married when the time for us is right. But right now its not and right now we both want to have a child together!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007): Well, if what you say is true, why put the cart before the horse....doesn't doing the right thing by your child matter anymore? Get married, don't be a bridezilla and wait on the $20k wedding, it is not a piece of paper, it is a legal union between two adults who stand up in front of God and everyone else and promise to be together for life in hopes that they will be one of the hardworking, faithful couples who make it....anything else is just playing house, including owning your own home together, assets can easily be divided....but a baby cannot.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank You to everyone who answered....as far as getting married first, would be nice, but we want to have an nice wedding. We love each other and intend on being together for the rest of our lives, however I dont want to get married at city hall. When we first got serious we had planned on getting married, I was still living at home with my parents, and I had decided that I would rather spend what we had on buying our own home, then planning a wedding. Its only a piece of paper Its whats in your heart that matters. In my heart I feel that we are married and I know he feels the same way.
So now we own our home together and are tyring to have child, and when we do, if we do, the baby will be ours.together.
OH and P.S. together, we are 100% covered for benefits, we both have very good and secure jobs and a very nice roof over our heads which we own together.Our children will not be thrown into the system. Please only answer the question that was asked, not advice on why I shouldn't have a child.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007): I agree with Ponungalungb, getting married first would be the best thing.
But, getting back to the having a baby, relax and stop trying, that is what happend to my daughter and her husband. They had been married for 5 years and been together for 10. They gave up trying and my daughter now has a lovely little girl called Ella who is 5 weeks old. Relax, it will come naturally.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007): Why don't people stop preaching about marriage? There are plenty of solid secure relationships that don't rely on a legal contract. Isn't a strong dose of love enough these days??? Anyway in answer to the actual question I would suggest a visit to a Naturopathic Consultant / Doctor who will look at natural therapies, lifestyle etc which may be having an impact on your ability to conceive - some Naturopaths specialise in fertility. Good luck and if it suits you to have a child and then get married or even not get married at all then you are entitled to do just that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007): I was on Medicaid, or welfare if you will, and God let me have a child..I wasn't married but we are now & we have another on the way & I have my husband's "good insurance" now..so, was my 1st child an accidental mistake or drain on the economy? There are millions of ppl. who don't get insurance through their jobs thses days & coverage is becoming less & less. Do a poll of people who think they actually have "good insurance" According to you lady, most people's kids are a mistake or drain on society. And who ever said being a teacher is a good job financially? My husband works in a shop & he makes more money than the average school teacher..Get off your high horse. You don't call the shots when it comes to who is good enough to have kids. What about all these baby boomers who are going to be using up all the social security & our resources? They are a drain on us, should we kill them all off? And I doubt the majority of them had kids in the situation you say is the only way to have a kid..Most of them that I know were broke as a joke when they were raising thier 5 kids..The difference is that back then jobs offered good medical, and jobs paid more & the cost of living was less then. It's really hard for yourger people these days. So give us a break. It really angers me when people say that rich people aren't qualified to have kids. Where do they get off? Because mom or dad put them through college they thnik they can play God..It is so annoying.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007): I agree with the rest. Why don't you try to get married first. If you don't intend to be together forever then you shouldn't be trying to have a child. I hope he has a job to support the child or is it going to just be another drain on the economy and yes once you have a child it is not courtship any longer. There is alot of stress on the relationship. The easy thing to do is split up, but people are selfish no adays, they only think of how they feel, not how the child that didn't ask to be here feels. I am a teacher and I see it everyday. There is no such think as a screwed up child, it is screwed up parents. How ever your child turns out is because of everything you do! A child is a lot of responsibility and hard work. Please consider all the options before yet another child is thrown into the system.
If you have a place to raise your child together, have good jobs, good medical and I don't mean welfare; I wish you all the luck. When god thinks the time is right he will let you conceive a child. Everything happens for a reason! Good Luck to you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007): YES! Exactly Ponungalungb! Finally, someone who said something that makes sense.
Thank you sir.
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male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (20 October 2007):
 Why don't you try to get married first? Just a thought.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007): Why have you been trying to have a baby with a boyfriend, instead of a husband? Unless he can make a commitment of marriage, what makes you think he can commit to standing by you for the next couple of decades to raise this baby to an adult? Do you think having a child with him will bind him to you forever? Big mistake, having a child is a stress on the best of relationships and does not serve to bring two people closer who are not already commited.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007): get on top and and have an orgasm at the same time and sperm will get sucked into your cervix, it worked for me, i have a 6 month old & am 4 months pregnant..
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