A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:In a relationship with a female for my first time. I have been having issues with coming out and I have kept her as a secret. We have been going back and forth about this issue. I am willing to work about my issues too however there is another issue that had been brought out by her too. Her lack of sexual drive. She says that it always starts great at the beginning but it dies out. I told her that was normal in relationships, however there is got to be some way to keep the relationship going because that is part of being together. She gets very sensitive about the subject and everytime we talk about it she gets defense and does not want to talk about it. I do get upset about her lack of desire and it frustrates me to the point that just want to let her go. I ask her if she is willing to go to a therapist but she hesitates about that. I also talk her I am willing to go to a therapist to get over my fears and come out because I love her and I want things to work. She still does not want to work on her issues. If her issues are not fix or control, she will have the same problem with every relationship that she encounters. We've been together for 8 months, Is it worth fighting for ?? or should we just go apart. I mean we both set our cards in the table from the beginning I need sex in the relatioship, she doesn't... but we continue our relationship 'cause we love each other. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2013): You sound like a good man. It's a big step for you to be open to therapy and it shows how much you really want to work things out. But you said: "She still does not want to work on her issues."And that's a bottom line that you will have to respect and accept. You can't control or manipulate this. I've learned the hard way, people who don't want to change will not. Even when they do, change is usually slow and hard won. And you also said:"If her issues are not fix or control, she will have the same problem with every relationship that she encounters."She has every right to have this issue until she day she dies. It's not your job to try to "fix," her for her next relationship or the one you have with her now. As hard as it can be to accept, we cannot demand that a person change. Often that just makes them more resistant. We can express what we need, but if they are clear they cannot change or will not, we cannot change that.What you need to do:1) Think if you can accept her lack of sexual desire in the long-run. 2) Consider asking her if there is anything you could do to make it more satisfying for her. Tell he you want to have an honest conversation about it and see if maybe it's simply an issue of style in the bedroom. But be sure you are ready and prepared to hear her side of her truth.3) If you do decide that you need more sex, and she is ultimately unwilling to change, let her go. And respect your needs and the way she is. Don't be angry, bitter, or hurtful when breaking up. Hey, she could met a guy who fits her needs. You guys might not be a match.4)Notice if this is a pattern for you. Do you meet women who do not meet your needs and then try to change them? Ask those tough questions. It may or may not be, but I am a firm believer that relationship shine the spotlight on our defects and can provide so much info.Good the luck!
A
female
reader, angel91  +, writes (10 May 2013):
what you do depends on how important sex in a relationship is to you. She obviously has a much lower sex drive than you do, so sexually you two may be incompatible. You say you need sex. it's not a great feeling when your needs are not being met. It all comes down to whether you're willing to make that sacrifice for your future together. If not, it's best to leave the relationship as soon as possible to avoid any more attachment.
Also, do not feel forced into coming out. Do what you feel is right for yourself!
...............................
|
