A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:My g/f and I have been together for almost 3 years, the first six months, just as friends, then lovers, then I asked her to move in with me and she's been there for a year-and-a-half. I love her but I'm starting to feel a little insecure about our relationship. For one thing, she has a high sex drive. I can barely keep up with her sometimes because when I'm under stress at work, I just don't have the desire for sex. But she's always telling me I'm "hot" and sexy, but I just don't see it. And she's always flirting with me, patting my butt when I walk by her, watching me when I undress at night to come to bed. She says she loves me and she has been a good mate, always taking care of me, listening to my problems, giving me affection, love and support. I have no reason to really doubt that she's for real, but it drives me crazy when we're out together because men notice her and I see her eyes sometimes wander around the room, checking out all the men. I know she could have any one of them she wanted. One guy actually had the nerve to slip her his phone number when we were out together. Of course she tore it up and threw it away but it made me wonder what she would've done if I hadn't been right there with her. She's quite beautiful and she has a great body and dresses sexy sometimes and she's a skilled lover in bed. I just don't know how long I can keep her satisfied. I'm just an average guy. Any advice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2007): It sounds like you may be afraid to lose her, you praise her and you fear that you are inadequate for her. When you begin to think that, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You'll start to act differently around her, you'll overcompensate/undercompensate and eventually you won't be the person she fell in Love with anymore.
There will always be someone better looking than you, smarter than you, funnier than you, have better teeth than you, better in bed than you... this is true for everybody .. if you had to worry about everyone that was better than you at something you wouldn't have time for anything else..
I've got good news for you though. Feel confident because you ARE the person she fell in love with. She fell in Love with the so-called "Average-ness" that defines you, your good side, your bad side. Enjoy yourself, relationships are supposed to be fun.
Good Luck my friend..
A
male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (25 May 2007):
Let's break it down:
1) You have an incredibly hot girlfriend.
2) You have an incredibly hot girlfriend who loves you.
3) You have an incredibly hot girlfriend who loves you, and who pretty much does what she can to help you through whatever difficulties you may be going through.
If reason 1 isn't enough, then maybe #2, or #3 will suffice.
You need to get over your insecurities. If you love her, start saving up money to buy that expensive ring that says how much you love her.
But also realize this, you cannot give up your heart to obtain your heart's desire. You wish her to stay with you, then you had better sit down with her and talk with her and make sure that she doesn't need anything. And if taking a little more time off from work is necessary to secure things in your relationship, then take the time off and have a little fun. If you can get time off from time to time, take those days off and just stay home with her. A long weekend or two doesn't cost you much if you're just staying home and spending time with her.
The choice here is yours. Stop worrying about your own insecurities. It sounds like they're really quite silly. Mostly, I think you've come to a point where you need to decide which future you want for the two of you. Marriage, or more of the same that you have. Once you have a goal in mind, I'm sure these other worries will disappear. Most of our worries are usually the result of too much time to think anyhow.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2007): You shouldnt be worried about that. Actually if you voice your worries to her she will think you dont trust her enough to believe in her love. I am in that situation too, my boyfriend whom we plan to marry is that insecure with my love for him. He say am beautiful and that i can have anything i want and once i told him that i love him and he said he still doesnt know why i choose him. I would really advice you to build up your esteem where she is concerned.
Am still with my b/f because i love him and for real, so learn to trust your girl. u owe that much to her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2007): you say she can have anyone...but she chose you!! Being insecure will actually drive her away even if she sint looking to. Be confident and most importantly be yourself, afterall that is the guy she fell for!
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A
female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (25 May 2007):
 Take all the love and compliments that she gives you....and I PRAY your sending them right back to her!!! I can't speak for all women, but your wife sounds a lot like me. When I was married, I did alot of what your wife does and even when I was in another past relationship. It's just that we LOVE to LOVE the man we LOVE!!! And yes, I like to look very nice when I go out, especially out to dinner or actually...anywhere!! Did men look at me, yes, but it was no big deal - I am a very confident woman, and I was so proud and happy to be with the man I was with. You really should try to work on yourself to be as confident as she is...I seriously do not think she is thinking about another man or anything of the such. (and no my divorce had nothing to do with any of this..just fyi) Even in my next GOD willing relationship, I plan on being...me...and that is me and how I love to make my partner happy. That's all she's doing, be happy you do have someone like that, but I do hope you give her what she gives you..even when you don't "feel" up to it...there are other ways to please her. Never in a million years did I ever think I would love sex toys, but, surprise-surprise. There's nothing wrong and it might even be something that she will enjoy with you. Never know till you try...!
Good Luck and Best Wishes!!
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (25 May 2007):
 You are not just an average guy...you have the ability to learn and change, and that makes you capable. It is a CHOICE. Why choose to be avearge if it is the source of your anxiety.
If you are worried about your sexual skills, learn tantric sex, and other sexual techniques including making her squirt. Programs and seminars are out there. What are you waiting for?
Lastly, is she is as hot as you say, she is being appraoched ALL THE TIME. You only caught a glimpse of what attention she actually gets.
If you are worried she will cheat on you, then that is a trust issue for you to deal with.
Finally, no about of money and prestige in a job is worth it if stress is killing who you are, or want to be. Find another job you enjoy and can handle.
-FBK
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