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*oucie
writes: Im going out with a man lets say Bob, we do seem to get on very well and I value his friendship, we do fancy each other and have slept with each other once. Ive known him since Sept last year. We went on 3 dates when we first met, then he told me he thought it better if he never saw me again because his ex had asked him back, so he became confused as he still had feelings for her. After a few weeks of being apart from him, he decided he doesn't want to go back with her, and he wants to see me again. We started meeting again but he only met me on a wed evening once a fortnight because he wanted to take things slowly and he never had a lot of money, as he pays solicitors bills, because he is trying to get proper access to see his little son from his ex. He does visit the child every week at his ex's house at the moment. Just before xmas Bob became ill and had to go into hospital, so we never saw each other for a while. We started meeting again, feb March, every other friday.It's now April and he still see's me only every other week, he keeps saying things will get better and we will see more of each other and he wants to take things slowly as we have both been in bad relationships before. He is 51 and im 43. I do want more from him than what im getting right now but I don't want to pressure him either. I don't want to spoil our good frienship. What can I say to him to make it clear that I value our friendship but want a bit more. Whats the best way to approach this??
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2006): There is no real good way to approach this other than telling him you want more. But..will that help your case? No, probably not. I don't recommend it. Pushing him will not work because if he's not ready, he could end up resenting you. Firstly, you need to know that when a man-any man-is ready to commit and take a relationship further, you will definitely know it because he will start acting the role. He will talk about your future together and he will make plans accordingly. He will not only call you daily, but he'll want to tell you the details of his day, and have a desire to hear about yours. A man that wants to be in a committed relationship acts like he wants to be in one. Your guy is not doing this, hun. He's hedging, stalling, and is acting rather cool about all this.
By nature, Men are the pursuers, the hunters. So when a man truely cares about you he will want to be with you, nothing will stop him from spending time with you, and he definitely will not want to lose you to another man. Your man has a lot on his plate with the divorce, his illness, his ex-wife and he's not ready to commit. So you now need to decide if you and he should carry on. I will say to you..keep the friendship with him but I strongly suggest you get out there and start dating other men. Don't hold out for this man. Who knows? This could motivate him to get off his butt and realize that he really does care about you, and maybe he'll pull up his socks a bit. But please...do not date to get him to care about you more. Because from what you are saying in your posting, this guy is a dead end. I want you to begin dating others because quite frankly, your current guy is not worth wasting your time on. I want you to get out and date because you deserve a man who is willing to put it all on the line for you. You are special and you need a man who treats you as special. Someone who knows how great you are without your having to tell them. Someone who will want to see you every night of the week — and will never make you wonder whether they're waiting for the right woman, because they know you're it! Go for it girl, don't waste another minute! Good luck, dear.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2006): You should suggest seeing him once a week, that way he probably won't feel that he's under pressure. It will be obvious that you value the friendship between him and yourself, by asking to see him more...and as for telling him that you want a bit more, maybe you flirt a bit to get things going.Good luck =)
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