A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im 18 years old, and im seeing this guy thats 20. We're not official yet, we're just getting to know each other, etc.We've been seeing each other for a little over two months now, but have only had 4 dates in those two months as he tends to be busy with work, friends, etc...On the first date, we went to watch a movie. He didnt initiate anything but on the train back home he had his arm around me.On the second date we went to watch a movie again (only because we both really wanted to see the film that had just come out), again he didnt initiate anything on the date but he started feeding me his icecream in the cinema.On the third date we went bowling, he paid for the both of us and then we quickly had a bite to eat and made our way home. Again, no moves were made, but he had his arm around me for a short period of time when we were on the bus and we play fighting for a couple mins. (Nothing too excessive)4th date we went to a restaurant to eat and the 5th time i was at his work place so he texted me to go and see him for a while.The thing im getting at is, I've never had a boyfriend before, I have however, seen guys before, but only two and they didnt last long and i ended up getting hurt in the end.This is however the longest i've been with a guy and to be honest I dont know what im supposed to do as I dont know where I stand with him and how the whole dating world works because I havent had my fair share of experience for me to know what to do.I know that within two months many guys would've made their move (kiss) already. But he hasn't, and it may be because we've only been on four dates.Tonight I asked him where I stood with him, and whether there was something between us.. he replied saying "I dont know, i thought we were just hanging out". I understand that, but it doesnt add up. Why would a guy meet up with a girl 5 times, alone, in the evenings, if he didnt want anything more than friendship from her?I was talking to a couple of my guy friends and they think that he doesnt know what he wants yet, so hes trying to keep things mutual between us so that he can find out if he wants to progress it..I dont know what im supposed to think, in these two months my feelings for him have gradually been growing and the fact that he said were only 'hanging out' doesnt make sense to me because what guy would have his arm around a girl if he was only hanging out with her, or even start feeding her ice cream in the cinema and doing little things to make her feel as though he liked her..
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers and advice. It really helped.
Over the past week I have come to realise that he is interested in another lady, and his feelings for her are pretty deep.
Thinking back, I guess we're much better as just friends so to me, hanging out with him is not a big deal now, I am over the fact that we wont be anything more than just friends.
However, I do think that me asking him where I stand with him and me telling him that I thought there was something there between us has freaked him out as he has stopped talking to me altogether.
Any ideas on how to just get him back as a friend? I dont want to seem too pushy but I can honestly say that I am perfectly fine with being his friend rather than nothing at all.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 This all stems from the way you're looking at it.
You're looking at it like "it's been two months."
He's looking at it like "we've been on four dates."
He's taking it slow. He definitely likes your company, but he doesn't want to move fast. That's his style.
Just relax and enjoy your time with him. You don't need a label right now. But yeah, definitely date other people. Since you're only hanging out there's no need to be exclusive.
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A
female
reader, CollegeCutie  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 He obviously doesnt know what he wants so tell him what you want. Make the first move be bold dont just sit in ur confusion cause trust me the one question of what are we leads to other questions and its a never ending cycle if you dont find the true answers. Its all or nothing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): You have only seen him five times in over two months (because he is too busy with work and friends,) nothing has happened, basically it has been friendly, he has never made a move and you have feelings for him? What has he done to deserve these feelings? Simply because he fed you ice cream? Now I don't mean to sound condescending but his romantic effort so far has been minimal at best and above all has been casual and friendly so I am not sure where these "feelings" are coming from. Ok so you like him and obviously had some expectation going into this. But it seems like he has kept things very casual. He may like hanging with you every now and again but he doesn't seem to like you enough to move forward in a romantic way. You could keep "seeing" him in hopes that he may realise that he likes you but I think he already told you and showed you how he feels. He is just keeping things casual and platonic. And I don't see that changing. He sees you as a friend. I am not sure what he has done to initiate these "feelings" in you but if you are looking for a boyfriend, someone who reciprocates your feelings, I think you would be better off looking elsewhere. I don't think he is the guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Sounds like he wants to go slow. Nothing wrong with that! And listen, nothing wrong with you letting him know that he is important to you. Beginning something meaningful with someone, does requires honesty and risk.
There could a lot of reasons why he doesn't want to take this further. Could there could be another lady he's interested in, or one he is trying to forget? Could he have been hurt, in his past and now, he's a bit relationship shy? Maybe he likes you as a good friend, only? I will say, reading your posting, it does appear he really respects you. That's great. Because many friends do share that quality and never take their relationship into the romance realm. If he has made no real bold moves on you, then perhaps, all he does want is to 'hang out' and keep this a platonic friendship.
As Janniepegg says...don't let him be your only option as far as romance goes. Accept that this is all he wants and get out and start dating other people! Be friends with him, but let's keep all this perspective and don't put all your eggs in one basket. You have one life..be positive and seek your own happiness. Get out there and enjoy the romantic attentions of other people.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (1 December 2010):
 It's past that time deciding where it's going. You are not getting your needs met. If he doesn't care how you feel, return the gesture and start getting busy and meet more people.
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