A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is my boyfriend scared of intimacy, cheating on me or is it simply a phase? I really feel like my boyfriend and I have lost our way and I am doubting our future together. He was honest from the outset in saying that he didn’t like talking very much and that he had told little white lies (which seem to be to protect other people’s feelings), however it is making it very difficult to get to know him. He has been on the one hand the loveliest guy I have ever met to the most frustrating. I am trying to focus very much on the positives (there are many) but I seem to keep looking at the negatives right now.He said that some of his ex-girlfriends have been very possessive: I never have but I am beginning to see why his ex’s were. I have noticed that he can be very flirtatious with women (a family member of his said that the men in his family are all like it), but weirdly my boyfriend seems to be flirtatious with attached women and he does it in front of their partners and me! Several times I have wondered if there has been a history there, but I soon realise I am being irrational. I think i am feeling like this because he seems to be able to connect and talk in depth to almost any other girl but me. There is one particular girl who it is evident he gets on really well with and fancies. We went to an event that she was at with her partner and my boyfriend couldn’t stop talking to her and staring at her (yet her boyfriend didn’t seem bothered so I am wondering if i am neurotic). At one point, my boyfriend (who by this time had had a few drinks) was staring at her and rubbing himself under the table which thankfully none of the rest of this family noticed! My boyfriend virtually ignored me all evening which is what he did last time she was around. He also has a habit of saying he needs to use the loo and then texting people for ages, but I am told by many of his family that he has always been like this. I keep wondering who he keeps texting. It feels like we aren’t connecting at all at the moment. We haven’t had full sex yet (we have been going out for nearly 7 months), partly because I hadn’t felt ready. He was first to talk about us having sex but I wanted to wait until I loved and trusted him. I really love the fact that he has stuck around all this time without having full sex and hasn’t pressured me into it, but now he seems to have withdrawn virtually all physical contact. He still wants oral sex, but doesn’t touch me sexually at all now. We don’t hold hands or kiss as much. I know things do die down abit after a while but we should be all over each other.I like to share things with my boyfriend and I always take an interest in his life, but these days he rarely answers my questions as to where he has been so I don’t know what to talk about. I seem to find out when him or his friends mention it to each other.It feels like he wants to spend as little time alone with me as possible since we now only seem to get together if it involves friends/family as well.I think a relationship without conversation, banter, flirting, jokes, fun isn’t good. We seem to have lost that and become so serious around each other. He has had long term relationships in the past but I wonder how on earth they coped.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): Hi there. I am the poster of the question. Thank you for the replies - it is not necessarily that he won't touch me sexually...I have wondered if he thinks that because I am not ready for sex then he thinks I don't want him to touch me at all but he didn't have a problem with that before. I must admit that I haven't wanted him to perform oral sex on me yet because I don't feel ready. He doesn't open up to me enough to find out what is happening with him.
I have wondered if I am neurotic about the flirting in front of attached women thing because none of the partners of the women he has been flirting with have been remotely bothered by it, it only seems to be me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): Hi Hunny,
I really want to help you but Im as confussed as you are, He flirts with other women that are taken ok that in Itself wouldnt be so bad if you were in a relationship that was forefilling trusting loving and you knew it was just abit of harmless fun, But touching himself under the table ouch! He goes off to the loo and texts people for ages, Hunny Im a pretty down to earth person but 7 months and only oral for him, Its not as if he doesnt fancy women and he does have the ability to attract himself to the opposite sex so he isnt shy, There is most definatly something quite not right here, Your right when you say you should be having sex here there and everywere well in my mind you are, And we all no that as time goes on it sort of can get routine, But it hasnt even started warming up for you yet, You really need to think about what you want and sit down and ask him what he wants apart from the occational b/j I personally couldnt have done this for 7 months but thats me we are all different. Think about you and how this makes you feel dont be so there for him, As far as I can see this is much more than just taking you for granted its taking the p**s when I first looked at your question I had to think for ages as to what to write as it really threw me and Im not hard to throw so good luck hunny and please think of yourself more as you are important and special to TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): Im sorry to say this. But it seems to me that your boyfriend is turned on by "forbidden fruit". By this i mean the women he cannot have.
I cant believe he was rubbing himself under the table in a crowded place...this would really bother me!Ok maybe he had a few drinks but its not right to do something like that.
You say you give him oral but he won't pleasure you...why would you want to make him feel good whe he doesnt care about you enough to make you feel good.
I wouldnt hang around this guy.
And so what if a member if his family says all the men in his family are flirtatious. That does not make it acceptable.
He flirts with other people in front of you, shows you no affection and lies to you. He has no respect for you.
Forget him and move on!!
Sorry if this was a bit harsh. xx
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